Chapter 8: Seychelles Soft Life, Naija Gist

That night, I reach luxury resort for Seychelles.

First time I go real vacation, no laptop for hand. The place dey soft—flower everywhere, bellboy dey greet you like governor.

Pocky really wan win me—hotel, travel, everything set.

E book best suite, even bribe chef to cook jollof rice and peppered goat meat—say make I no miss home.

My suite dey face sea, three sides na glass window.

As I open curtain, na blue water dey greet me. Breeze dey blow my mind. I just stand, dey watch horizon.

I arrange my clothes and things.

For the first time, I unpack slow, no rush. I hang my shirt, arrange shoe. Na new feeling.

As I finish, my phone buzz—message from colleague—no, ex-colleague now.

My heart skip. Na long time since I get work call from anybody.

[Kunle bro, check company WhatsApp group, quick!]

I dey fear say wahala fit follow me come holiday. But I open WhatsApp all the same.

Company group na one place for work WhatsApp.

Na there all staff dey gist, dey share company update, dey run small padi gist.

Ribo staff fit join after dem verify, contacts dey recommend people.

If your contact no reach, you fit beg senior man to add you.

Na there company gist dey first show.

Before news reach newspaper, na for company WhatsApp e go leak.

I pour Chapman, stand for window, open WhatsApp.

I dey sip my drink, dey wait for the worst.

[Employee wey surname Kunle dey form story to thief money, dey fight management, even wan set up CEO]

Omo! My hand dey shake, my Chapman nearly pour. For my mind, I dey curse whoever post am.

Anonymous post.

Coward move—no name, just to spoil person name.

Dem attach my picture for outside company, as I dey slap Musa belle, dey form stubborn.

Picture clear—na me, my hand still dey for air, face hard.

I zoom—my face hard like stone.

The kind frown for my face, even police go fear stop me for road.

Na so my face dey always cold?

I dey wonder if I be like that for office. My guy always dey talk say I too dey form hard guy.

No wonder people dey fear talk to me.

I begin reason say maybe na my own face dey drive people away. I fit try smile more.

The post list three ‘crime’ for me:

E no reach five minutes, dem don judge me for company group. My phone dey hot.

One, I dey push useless tech just to chop money.

Two, I no dey clock in, dey come late, go early, fail KPI.

Three, I no dey respect boss, dey spread gist.

I just dey laugh. Na so Naija people dey quick believe rumour. Dem no even find my side.

Comment section don scatter:

People dey type fast, some dey insult, some dey support. Na real market.

[So na lie say dem dey sack people? Dem just fire bad egg?]

Everybody dey find person to blame for their fear.

[True—make dem sack all those wey dey chop free money. Na so company go better.]

Some dey talk like say dem get CEO number.

[No be this guy be tech head? E resemble am.]

Na only few people sabi truth.

[Chief engineer na Mr. Musa. No tech head dey.]

I just shake head. Na so person fit lose name overnight.

I scroll—all na other department dey yab.

If you no know person, e easy to believe lie.

Ex-colleague message me, vex:

My real people dey para. I fit feel Lami anger from her typing.

[Kunle bro, you just waka like that. We dey vex for you.]

She dey type like say if she catch Musa, she go slap am too.

[After you go, HR call all tech team lead for meeting.]

Dem dey threaten everybody. Fear don enter office.

[Any tech person wey talk for online, dem go sack am without pay.]

Company no wan make story leak. E fit scatter share price. Everybody dey hide mouth now.

Lami still drop one quick prayer: [God go punish office politics. Kunle bro, we dey your back!]