Chapter 2: Ifedike Enter Immortal Wahala

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As Ifedike close the book, e heart no calm at all.

Him chest still dey rise and fall, small sweat dey for forehead. The story no let am rest. The thing dey disturb am like kpokpo for neck. "Chai!" he mutter, looking round the parlour, but even the fan for ceiling no fit blow away the kind wahala wey the story plant for him head.

Before rebirth: dey happy dey work for royal family.

After rebirth: dey cold dey work for royal family.

So, wetin come be the point of this rebirth?

E still dey do am like mathematics. "If person don suffer before, why life still dey hard after dem give am second chance? Abeg, I no gree." E sigh, thinking of all the stress wey Naija people dey chop every day, rebirth or no rebirth.

Na normal level for all these female-centered webnovels be this. If na male power fantasy, as you don already be true immortal, even palace cockroach no go survive—dem go chop split in two just for dey waka. For those male stories, na only Sango fit vex pass their wahala.

He remember all those Asian films wey him padi dey show am—once guy get power, na to dey flex anyhow. "Omo, if na me, I go just dey run things. Even fly no go rest!" Ifedike laugh small, but no joy for the laugh.

As that thought just waka pass e mind, Ifedike eye just blackout—

The room fade like NEPA take light. Him sense scatter. Cold breeze blow, but e no be normal cold—na one kind chill wey dey bite bone.

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1

When e open eye again—

Everything don change. One kind human-shaped light ball dey float for front am. Inside the shine, e fit still see one fine woman wey beauty no get rival.

The light dey flicker like candle for harmattan, but the beauty inside ehn—her face get all those Igbo queen features: high cheekbone, dark fine skin, eyes like wetin dey draw person. Even the way the light dey shine, e resemble how morning sun dey touch water for river Niger.

"Aunty, why you go use person weakness take snatch Kamsiyochukwu body?"

Na sweet woman voice float from the light. For her mind, anybody wey fit snatch body like that na person wey get mad spiritual power.

Ifedike blink. He touch him chest, feel the soft wrapper—no be his usual jeans and T-shirt. "You be Kamsiyochukwu?"

Him voice no steady, e resemble small pikin wey see masquerade for village square. For this place, nothing get shadow, everything dey shine, but that voice cut through like sharp knife.

"Yes."

Kamsiyochukwu nod. Na the same name wey the female lead for the novel get. Na now Ifedike realise say e don transmigrate enter the female protagonist body. This light ball wey dey front na the original owner’s real spirit. For now, na her dey control the body.

Her face soft, but eye sharp. You fit see say she still dey vex say dem collect her body. Spirit no dey forgive anyhow—especially for Naija, if pesin waka with your body, you go want am back.

If na male protagonist story, for this kind spiritual world, e for don take over the whole wives' quarters by now. But e don turn female lead. How e wan run am? E no fit...

For Naija, na man dem go expect make e dey scatter everywhere, dey collect respect. Woman, dem go want make she humble, dey hide power, dey do as e soft. E no easy for woman to show say she strong, especially for spiritual matter.

Ifedike mouth just twist small. That kind thought too wild abeg.

The place too calm, e brain dey run marathon. "Abeg, no be me get this kind wahala, make I just dey observe."

"Report!"

The shout almost scatter the spiritual calmness. Ifedike body shake like generator wey choke oil.

"Immortal! His Royal Highness messenger don land!"

One voice just cut enter Ifedike thought. Na for military tent e dey. Outside, one soldier messenger dey shout.

The tent smell of red earth, old kolanut, and palm wine—Naija war camp correct aroma. The kind camp wey real ogas dey run things. From outside, the clang of iron pots and soldiers’ pidgin banter mix with distant goat bleats.

Kamsiyochukwu na the only true immortal for the land, dem station am for border make e dey guard spirit realm, e do plenty better things for humanity. But royal family na royal family—them no dey gree make anybody power pass throne. Oba don send eighteen royal letters back to back, dey force Kamsiyochukwu make e return palace.

She don save people from drought, drive away evil masquerades, heal children wey no dey breathe well. But Oba still dey send letter like NEPA bill, as if to remind her say power no dey pass king for Naija.

Ifedike look the command tokens wey dey arranged well well for table, mutter, "This opening too resemble all those stories."

The tokens na real brass, carved with old Oyo and Benin symbols—ogun, eke, odu. Each one get small charm tie for neck, dey shine small for lamp light.

If you no get plan to rebel, this your waka go palace na sure wahala. But if you gree rebel—as the only immortal for the land—who wan stop you?

Ifedike dey weigh the option like Yoruba mama dey check rice before market. E mind dey fly: "Palace wahala, rebel, or just dey on my own? Which one better pass for Naija setting?"

"Make e enter," Ifedike talk.

The voice come out sharp, like rain for zinc roof. Everybody wey dey hear go know say e no be joking matter.

No too long after, one palace attendant waka enter with shoulder up, dey feel important.

E wear those royal blue wrappers, two lines of red beads for wrist. Him wear Kano-made slippers, the kind wey only big men dey buy for Sallah. The way e carry head high, e clear say e don chop too many palace meatpie.

"Immortal, collect the decree."

Even though e dey call Ifedike ‘Immortal,’ the way e dey look am na like say e dey look person wey no reach e level. Ifedike no understand wetin dey give am that kind boldness.

The attendant eyes dey shine with pride, him nose dey up like goat wey see yam. Everybody for camp don pause, dey look the drama.

"Collect which decree? I no too understand," Ifedike talk purposely.

Ifedike voice get small Igbo accent, dey drag as e dey talk. The attendant no even shake, just press mouth harder, dey para.

Before the attendant fit answer, Kamsiyochukwu rush talk for Ifedike mind: "Aunty, na Oba royal letter. E go still be another order say make I return palace. Abeg collect am quick quick."

Her spirit dey tremble, like rain wey never fall. She dey fear palace matter, because she know say once she enter, na only God fit deliver her.

"You still never kneel collect the decree? If you miss time, wahala go land on you," the attendant bark, dey size Ifedike up with clear disrespect.

The attendant no even send, e voice loud like town crier. Some soldiers for corner begin shift leg—dem no wan enter wahala way.

Ifedike just look am one kind. Level of power—na small pikin.

Ifedike fold hand, dey size am back, eye no blink. The camp air stiff, everybody dey wait wetin go happen.

For male-centered stories, spiritual power dey break into four level: Pikin, Fellow Seeker, Elder, then that special one—Trusted One. Trusted One mean say the Elder wey dey back am, you no fit beat am. For Yoruba land, if Agba awo talk, even king go humble.

But female-centered stories get their own better side. At least, you no go dey hear that endless wahala: after you beat pikin, elders go show, after elders, ancestors go come out from hiding, then one by one the whole family go disappear. Plenty male leads go fight tire, at the end, dem still no reach where female leads dey start for love novel.

Ifedike remember how those stories dey drag—after one wahala, another go just pop up. "Omo, this life ehn, na only woman dey see real shege for story world."

Na so Ifedike own be now: transmigrate, already immortal. E never fight battle wey get this kind heavy advantage before.

Ifedike chest dey rise, e dey feel the power for body. "Kai! If na me, I go dey run am anyhow." Him mouth corner raise small, like person wey dey plan mischief.

"Who you be?" Ifedike ask with cold voice.

The attendant raise body, "I be Chief Attendant Mallam Gambo adopted son. My name na Musa Gambo."

The boy voice carry Northern pride, him tongue sharp, eyes dey shine like person wey dey find trouble.

Kamsiyochukwu add: "Aunty, that Mallam Gambo na real wahala. No ever offend am."

Her voice dey shiver—palace people sabi how to hold grudge. Mallam Gambo get hand everywhere: kitchen, shrine, even the Oba private court. If e vex, nobody safe.

Kamsiyochukwu still dey think like weak person—everything na rule, rule above all. But she no know say: if your power strong reach, na you go dey make rule. Why you go dey fear who wan give you wahala?

Ifedike just shake head, dey pity her for mind. "See this small girl spirit. She never sabi how this world dey run."

Ifedike put face like say e surprise: "Ehen! So you be chief attendant adopted son?"

Ifedike voice carry small sarcasm, but she still smile as e dey tradition for palace—fake respect dey everywhere.

"Hmph. As you sabi now. Oya, kneel thank Oba!"

Musa Gambo eyes full with insult. So what if you be immortal? No be still fear go catch you? No be still kneel you go kneel?

The camp dey silent. Soldiers dey look ground, dem no wan collect stray bullet from immortal or palace. For their mind, wahala don start.

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2

Ifedike just drop the acting, burst laugh. "For palace, you fit dey make noise as you like, e no concern me.

But to raise voice for MY Spirit Guard Army camp—who give you that kind mind?"

Her voice thunder for tent, soldiers dey shift back. Some grab their staff, some just dey sweat. For Naija, no be small thing to challenge person for e own territory.

Ifedike eye him, give am one last chance to respect himself, but the boy no gree. Gbosa!

Ifedike slap am, no even use spiritual power. But as true immortal, that slap no be wetin small pikin fit take. Musa Gambo eye blackout, body just fly back land for ground with heavy force. E internal organs nearly shift. The royal letter and gold token fall for Ifedike leg. Ifedike just match the decree.

The sound echo like market slap—everybody for tent feel am. Some small attendants mouth open wide. As e match the decree, dust fly small for ground, everybody dey fear to breathe loud.

"You… You get mind! This na rebellion!

You know say na on behalf of Oba and Queen I deliver decree? Wetin you do now fit make dem wipe your whole family!"

Musa Gambo shock and vex, na only threat remain for am. Every palace attendant wey dey deliver decree dey collect better things. This time, na Oba send decree, and Musa Gambo beg e papa for the juicy job. At the end, na beating e chop. E don already decide: once e reach palace, wahala go burst.

His voice dey shake, but e still dey form. Ifedike no even shake. Camp people dey look, some dey fear say army go invade. But nobody talk.

Ifedike no even send am, just dey look the gold token for ground with one kain eye. "The Oba’s Order—so e think say na real ancient king e be."

Ifedike bend pick am, roll am for palm, eye dey narrow like cat. For e mind: "All these people dey deceive themselves. Ancient king get power, this one just dey use mouth."

Those old kings truly dey rule their own time—every move dey shake land and sky law. This one dey call himself Oba of all Obas, but power no reach real ancestors. No get power to back am, but still dey do like say na him be king of kings. Wetin funny pass, the female lead even believe all these things.

The tent air thick. Some soldiers dey nod. For their mind, dem sabi say this Oba na just noise—no juju, no real power, only people fear am.

Na then Kamsiyochukwu voice sound for e mind: "Aunty, Musa Gambo go sure report once e reach palace."

Her voice small, e resemble rat voice for cupboard. The fear dey real. Palace wahala no dey end.

"E fit try am?"

Ifedike look back at Musa Gambo, confirm say na real bad mind dey for e eyes.

The boy eye red, mouth tight. E dey plan plenty things, e brain dey run like generator for last fuel.

"I for almost forget you."

With that, Ifedike just release small spiritual power. Fear catch Musa Gambo eyes. Before e fit react, the force just scatter am—turn to dust. For spiritual world, even if the person na pikin, you suppose clear am finish—make even soul no remain.

Na small ripple spread for air, attendants dey look ground, no fit talk. "Blood of Jesus! Na real juju be this o!" For Naija, person wey dey chop juju wahala dey learn work here.

Outside, some small attendants stand, na Musa Gambo carry dem come. E wan chop all the benefit alone, so e leave them outside. Before Ifedike talk, the small attendants already dey wave hand like say dem no see anything.

Dem begin shiver like chicken wey rain beat. Some dey whisper: "Abeg, we no see anything. If dem ask, na masquerade carry am go."

"We no see anything!"

That one sweet Ifedike. Na people like this deserve to live.

Ifedike talk loud: "Musa Gambo don dey possessed by masquerade spirit. I don finish am."

She dey shout well, make sure say everybody hear. For Naija, once masquerade matter enter, nobody dey ask plenty question.

The small attendants dey look each other. People dey talk say palace dark, but this place dark pass. Na masquerade really possess Musa Gambo? Who wan argue?

Dem begin shift leg, eye dey shine. One brave small attendant kneel: "Immortal, thank you o! Na only God know if we for survive today."

"Correct!"

"Thank you, Immortal, for saving our lives. If not, masquerade for don harm us too."

One small attendant talk. Dem no be mumu. If immortal fit finish Musa Gambo, who dem be?

Their voice dey tremble. For their mind, today na real day of wonders. Person wey fit face Oba pikin, fit face anybody. Dem dey plan how to dey mind their lane from now.

Kamsiyochukwu spirit shock: "Aunty, this one really dey okay so?"

Her spirit dey float up small, her eye big. For her mind, this one pass all the wahala wey she ever see for palace.

Ifedike ask, "If person accuse you say you wan rebel, wan wipe your family, wetin you go do?"

Her voice soft, but e sharp like knife. She dey test the girl spirit—whether she fit grow past her old fear.

Kamsiyochukwu just talk, "I go face am, give am hot slap!"

Her voice loud, chest out. But spirit still dey form, like say na play play. Ifedike just dey smile for mind, dey imagine as she go look if na real life.

Ifedike nearly slap her spirit, but hold body, manage talk with grit: "Try reason am with more wickedness."

She grit teeth, dey prepare to hear real plan, but her patience dey thin like ogi.

Kamsiyochukwu tilt head, think small, then smile: "Then I go fall in love with am, play with e feelings, make am suffer well well, heh heh heh."

Kamsiyochukwu think say na real wickedness be that. Ifedike just dey look am with face full of wahala. As expected—spirit tales don die, na immortal romance dey reign now.

Ifedike shake head, laugh small for mind. "See as pikin dey talk love for battle matter. This new generation ehn."

"Dem say if snake bite you, even rope go dey fear you," Kamsiyochukwu add, eye shining with new resolve.

"Make we dey go. Make we see wetin royal family really plan for me."

Her voice steady, e sound like drum for festival. For Naija, no be mouth dey win war—na action. She carry her spirit, dey ready. Anybody wey wan try am now, dem go know say spirit woman no dey carry last.

Na only action go fit teach dem.

With this, the story of immortal woman wey dey use Naija sense start proper. Rain dey threaten for sky, but Ifedike spirit dey shine pass am. Palace wahala never see this kind immortal before.