Chapter 3: Plans, Pranks, and Pain

That afternoon, I book abortion and buy flight ticket for seven days’ time.

Na so my life take turn. My mind dey run like keke for Lekki road. Japa, na the only way wey remain.

Same day as wedding.

Irony wey dey inside no be small. As dem dey plan show, na my own escape I dey plan.

For this few days, sugar daddy go still dey drop allowance. I fit still gather small money.

As e be, money na the only friend wey no dey betray person. For Naija, na only your account sure. Hustle na your only friend. I dey count am like prayer bead.

Since dem wan use wedding disgrace me—

For my mind, I dey plan my own surprise. Nobody go use my shame do entertainment.

Why I no just japa first make their plan scatter?

If I commot, all their drama go empty, dem go surprise.

As I be full-time canary for years, I don save well.

Na hustle make sense for Naija. If you no save, na hunger dey wake you for night.

Especially recently, my money double.

My account dey fat pass before. Sometimes, I dey wonder if na God dey pity me.

Before, I dey wonder why Chief Lanre dey forget to send money, always double am.

I dey thank God, no know say na two different people dey run am.

Now I sabi—Chief Lanre send once, him brother Tunde send again.

As I reason am, I just shake my head. For this life, na only your account sure.

I touch my small savings with gentle hand.

I dey look am like egg. For Naija, na only money dey save you from shame.

I jam Chief Lanre for university.

That year, I still dey hustle for back of class, dey sell recharge card. Na so my path cross with big man.

Bukola na my roommate that time.

Bukola wahala no get mate. She sabi scatter everywhere if e suit her mood.

She too like wahala—her own prank fit scatter person life.

If she no dey set trap, e be like say her body dey scratch her.

For secondary school, she use her rich friend chase one normal babe. She dey hide garri inside locker, pour water for person bed, even put pepper for shoe. Her style na to form alliance with people wey get power, then use dem shine.

Everyday, na roses, gifts, designer bag everywhere.

She dey show off, dey pepper people. If you see her for street, you go think say she get charity for mind.

The babe never see that kind life before, she fall yakata.

Na so innocent girl enter wahala.

Just before WAEC, Bukola tell her friend make he dump the babe.

That kain wickedness, only person wey no dey fear God fit do am.

The heartbreak scatter the babe result.

People for school dey talk say the girl no fit concentrate again.

Later, the girl jump from hostel balcony, turn vegetable.

That one pain plenty people, but for Bukola, na just another day.

Bukola waka enter university happy, come become my roommate.

She no carry pity come school. Her own na shine, nothing dey touch her.

She set eye for me—the girl wey dey hustle three jobs to survive.

For her, I be like plaything. She fit use me do experiment for boredom.

I dey run three jobs per day because my papa dey gamble, my mama don die, my grandma dey sick.

Na only me dey keep hope for house. Life no pamper me.

This time, I be her new toy.

I know say wahala dey come, but as life be, you no fit dodge your test.

Chief Lanre na the main guy she choose for me.

Her eye dey sharp for market. She dey see connection wey other people no dey see.

Ibadan University maths genius, fine boy wey girls dey craze for on Facebook.

If he snap picture, likes go full everywhere. Na person wey get sauce.

Plus, na Lanre family first son, future sure.

If e no make am for book, family money go carry am go.

She make Chief Lanre chase me, make me him babe.

Na so the plan start. I no even get say in my life I go jam that kind chess game.

For her plan, Chief Lanre go spoil me with money.

I dey fear, but as I dey see money, I dey thank God small.

When I don dey used to enjoyment, he go dump me, make I suffer.

Their aim na to see how I go survive after sweet don spoil for mouth.

Chief Lanre really treat me well.

He dey act like say na real love. I no know say na script dem dey play.

Gifts no dey finish, pity me, no let me work, dey surprise me steady.

Any small thing, gift go land. I dey chop enjoyment, but my mind still dey fear.

But me, I get sense.

Street no dey dull me. I sabi say nothing for Lagos dey sure.

No matter the money, I dey save all.

Na so I dey learn from my mama before she die. For this life, anything fit happen.

Jewelry wey he buy, I no dey wear, I dey sell am on WhatsApp status.

If you see my status, you go think say I dey do small scale business.

Poverty dey fear me, my self-worth low.

My biggest fear na say I go end up like my mama—broke and tired.

Money—if I no gather am, I no dey sleep well.

Money dey buy peace for Naija. If you get am, you fit get small rest.

Besides, I no dull. I dey notice say Chief Lanre dey do everything as if na play.

I dey see say the care no reach deep. For his eyes, na just game.

Anytime we hold hand, I dey see that small mockery for him eye.

He dey look me like say I no deserve am, but na pity make him keep me.

I no know why he gree date me if he no like me.

E dey confuse me sometimes, but as money dey come, I dey push the thought aside.

But him get money, and I need am.

For Naija, money dey cover shame. If you no get am, people no dey respect you.

We dey do normal couple things: hug, kiss.

For public, we dey form couple. For house, na another thing.

For harmattan, I knit scarf give am.

That scarf, I use my last change buy wool. E still dey his car boot till today.

The day my grandma sick serious, I beg Chief Lanre for birthday gift for the first time.

I put pride for pocket. For Naija, if you no ask, you fit miss your blessing.

I remember, Chief Lanre first shock, then smile.

His smile be like say he see something wey sweet am die.

I see that wild happiness for his eye—like say snake finally get prey.

My mind no rest that day. I know say something dey off, but I still dey hope.

Dem think say I go spoil, break down.

For their mind, na street girl I be. E shock them say I fit survive anything.

Everything dey go as dem plan.

But na God dey run final script.

Next day, Chief Lanre talk break up.

His words dry, no apology, no explanation. I just collect am, dey go.

Bukola dey wait make I fall, beg, disturb Chief Lanre, disgrace myself.

She dey wait for drama, but e no come.

But she shock say nothing change—I still dey work, dey go class, my life simple as before.

I carry myself like nothing happen. For street, if you break, na you lose.

Just small better, from three jobs to two.

At least, I fit sleep small, my body dey thank me.

Sometimes, I fit add sausage and egg for my indomie.

I dey treat myself well small small. Even God talk say make person no kill himself.

Even get AD calcium milk after food.

I dey chop better food, dey look fresh. My skin dey glow pass before.

I even add three kg.

My clothes dey tight small. Na sign say I dey chop well.

I no beg to come back, I no cry for Chief Lanre.

Street pride dey hold me. Na only God I dey beg.

I even delete all him contacts after breakup.

I no wan make temptation carry me go backward.

Nothing go as she plan, she vex, call the game boring.

Bukola vex scatter. For her mind, na show wey spoil be that.

After that, she begin trouble me for hostel.

I dey pray everyday make God keep my mind strong.

Put nail for my shoe.

My leg still dey pain me small from that wahala.

Pour cold water for my bed during harmattan.

That one bite pass. For harmattan, cold dey kill person.

Later, my papa gamble, owe Lanre family big money.

For my house, wahala no dey ever finish. Papa own na another level.

To pay, he dash me to them as collateral.

No be today Naija papa dey use pikin clear debt. But e still pain.

Na so I become Chief Lanre’s canary.

My fate seal that day. My heart break small, but I no fit cry again.

Truth be say, I been dey try to live well with him.

No matter the pain, I dey find way to survive, dey find small joy.

Chief Lanre always cold, never touch me.

I dey wonder if na me dey smell, or if e get another woman.

But this year, he start to dey kiss me.

I shock the first day e pull me close. E no resemble him before.

One night, he come house drunk.

The smell of alcohol choke everywhere. Lagos boys dey drink as if e go solve their problem.

I help am sit for sofa, make hangover tea.

I dey do am with my full chest, even though my heart dey beat fast.

He just hold my waist, pull me close, kiss me soft for lips.

The kiss scatter my brain. Na that day I know say I never live before.

I never kiss before, almost faint.

Na only God save me from falling for ground. My legs dey shake.

He laugh, "So na so e sweet—sweet like sugar."

His laugh carry small mockery. But my heart still dey jump.

"Next time you dey kiss, abeg breathe."

I nod, dey shy. The way he dey talk, e be like say he dey teach small pikin.

That night, I taste forbidden fruit for the first time.

Na the kind thing wey dey turn girl world upside down.

After that, he dey like try new things with me.

Each time, I dey fear but dey follow. For my mind, na new beginning.

He no like protection.

I try beg am, but he no dey gree. E say e trust me.

He dey do am even when housegirl dey around.

The way he dey risk am, you go think say nothing fit catch him.

I go just dey bite lip, dey endure.

For Naija, woman dey endure plenty things. Na only strong mind dey save you.

The more I struggle, the more e sweet am.

I notice say e dey get power from my resistance. E funny, but na true.

He get one habit: anytime we dey together at night, he go dey make me call him name again and again.

For my ear, e dey sound like ritual. Every night, same play.

"Wetin be my name?"

If I stammer, wahala go enter.

"Chief Lanre, you be Chief Lanre."

E go smile if I answer sharp.

"Wrong, talk am again."

The game dey tire me sometimes. But I play along, na survival mode.

"Wetin dey do you, Chief Lanre, mm…"

His hand go dey squeeze me, like say e dey find answer for my body.

He go hold himself.

Sometimes, I dey fear say e go break me. But e never pass limit.

The more I call am, the more rough he go be.

I dey think say na love, no know say na just power.

He dey act like dog wey need make person pet am well.

His eyes dey beg for attention, but his heart still cold.

But he like to dey spoil, like to kiss me, know say my belle no strong, go make pap for me.

The way he dey care, sometimes I dey confuse. Na real love or na pity?

For my birthday, he fire fireworks by river all night. Fireworks dey burst for sky, neighbours dey peep window, some dey shout, "Who dey do party for this estate this night?" My heart sweet me that night.

As the fireworks dey burst for sky, he touch my hair, "Baby, make we try live well together."

Those words stick for my ear. I hold am like prayer.

If I get nightmare, he go wake me, hold me soft, "Good girl, no fear."

His hand dey warm, his chest dey strong. Na small peace I dey find.

I begin like am small small.

My heart dey soft, even though my brain dey warn me.

Some months back, again, he press me for bed, no use protection.

This one come dey happen steady. I dey fear, but he dey assure me.

I ask, "If I carry belle nko?"

My voice dey shake. I dey pray make answer sweet me.

He kiss me. "Born am, I go take care."

His lips soft, but my fear still dey.

Na him even talk marriage.

For Naija, if man talk marriage, woman fit believe am. My heart open.

That night, after everything, he lean on top me talk:

"Baby, no just be my babe again—be my wife."

His words dey ring for my mind like bell for church. I dey dream of better life.

Now as I remember, from that first night, no be Chief Lanre again, na Tunde, abi?

The truth dey bitter. My memory dey rewind like Nollywood movie.

And the marriage talk, just another wicked play.

All the promises, just to dey play with my mind.

I really wan born this pikin.

I dey imagine small hands, laughter for compound. But now, all na dust.

But now, e no get meaning again.

My hope fall like mango wey don overripe. I no fit shout.