Chapter 2: Birthday Wahala and Public Shame

Today na Morayo birthday, my girlfriend.

The compound dey bubble. Her younger cousins dey run everywhere, party rice aroma dey fly from backyard, with that burnt bottom smell wey dey sweet pass. I dey watch Morayo, her braids neat, face bright for candle glow. She clasp her hands, close her eyes, dey make wish with serious face. Some aunties dey whisper, “See as she fine, God bless her.” Na me dey there, heart dey drum, hand dey sweat for inside suit wey hot like inside danfo for traffic.

As I dey look her fine side face, my hand dey shake for where I hide the ring box for pocket.

Ring dey my hand, but my mind dey with my mama for Ibadan wey dey pray for me. I remember how I borrow money from cousin just to buy this small ring. My chest dey tight, but my hope dey shine. Na today I wan write my own history.

After eight years together, we don pass level to dey talk marriage like play.

Everybody for street dey ask, “Tunde, when you go marry Morayo?” My papa don tease me tire. Even for Morayo family, small pikin dey call me "uncle-in-law." Eight years no be beans. If dem dey count couples for our area, na our name dem first mention. I feel say e don reach.

She blow out the candles, dem put on light for private room for Palm Grove Restaurant.

Na so clap begin, “Happy Birthday!” Small children dey dance, her mama dey snap picture. One uncle dey adjust cap, dey shine teeth for camera, dey shout "chop life!" My chest dey knock as small generator hum for background. The private room set, all the chairs get Ankara cover, the wall hang plenty balloon. I dey pray make today go smooth.

I kneel down for one leg, my hand dey tremble as I bring out the ring. Before I kneel, I wipe sweat from my brow, do quick silent prayer: 'God abeg, no shame me today.'

My knee touch ground, the cold floor shock me. For my mind, I dey form James Bond, but the ring box dey shake for my hand. I hear Morayo friend Funmi gasp, some people dey bring out phone to record. I clear my throat, sweat dey my brow.

As friends and family dey cheer, I talk am clear:

"Morayo, you go marry me?"

My voice loud, but e dey crack small. I try smile, but the tension dey real. Na the moment wey we don dey yarn since, the one wey I dey dream for night. I hope say her eyes go shine with joy.

But everywhere just quiet. The surprise wey I expect no show.

People pause, spoon stop for mouth, even Femi wey dey eat puff-puff freeze. The kind silence wey dey room fit cook beans. I begin reason whether I dey dream.

Morayo just dey look the scar for my face, her face come squeeze.

She pinch her lips, her eyes sharp, dey dance from my face to her mama side. She adjust her wrapper, dey drag her wrist like person dey check for escape. Her face carry worry, and small anger dey hide for the corner.

"...Wetyn you dey do?"

Her voice come out like person wey swallow pepper. The question shake me. I dey wait make she smile, but na frown I dey see. People dey shift for seat, her uncle clear throat.

"Why you no tell me before?"

Her tone sharp, and e loud pass my own proposal. She look me like say I offend am big. My brain dey run, dey try remember if I miss any plan.

As if say na dirty thing I carry, she shift back small.

Her body language just cold. She fold her arm, shift chair, dey avoid my eye. People dey murmur small small, her best friend dey whisper for her ear.

Her voice just full of vex and shame.

She talk like say I disgrace her. Her voice dey high, eye red small. Some people dey look ground, others dey try smile to lighten the mood, but Morayo just dey para.

"You wan use my birthday take disgrace me?"

Her face twist, eyebrow shoot up. I fit see the anger for her jaw. Her aunties dey look me like say I thief. My own friends dey shake head, dem dey try hide their shock.

"When I tell you say I wan marry you?"

Her words na thunder. She dey talk am for everybody to hear. Some of her people dey clear throat, one uncle dey mumble, “E be like say wahala dey.”

The whole place just dull, everybody dey look me with pity.

Na so all eye dey on me. I dey hear person dey whisper, “Chai, see as e kneel dey shame.” I feel like say ground suppose open swallow me. Even the DJ dey pretend say him dey tune speaker, but him dey peep gist.

I bin think say I go surprise her.

I tell myself say this na the big one. Morayo go jump, hug me. We go snap picture, post am for WhatsApp. Na so I dream am.

But na strong rejection I get, my face dey hot with shame.

I fit feel the scar dey tingle as people dey look. My ears dey burn, sweat dey my hand. I dey force smile, but inside my heart dey heavy. My mind dey race like Keke wey dey run from LASTMA.

Still, I try ask:

I wan clear matter. I dey stammer, “But... no be we agree last year?” My voice low, but I gats try. My hope dey hang for thin line.

"But... no be we agree last year?"

Her eyes flash. Some people dey look her, dey wait answer. Na the last hope I get. I dey shake, dey wish say she go remember our promise.

End of last year, we talk marriage. Na just because of my burn dem postpone am.

We dey her sitting room, wey she dey press cold cloth for my face. Her words then dey soft: “Let the scar heal small, Tunde. We go do am proper.” I dey hold that memory like amulet.

That time, Morayo even dey talk how she go cry if I propose.

She dey tease, “If you propose, I go faint for ground!” She dey show me Instagram ring styles, dey talk how she wan soft wedding for Ikoyi registry. Those days I feel say love go last till forever.

Now, she realise say she don overdo, she adjust her hair, try calm the matter:

She dey form smile, dey try reset everybody mind. Her eyes dey move quick like lizard for wall.

"Oh, oh, na that one you mean."

She dey twist her earring, dey find words. People dey look her, dey wait make she save the matter.

"We go talk am later."

She dey try calm the ground. Some people nod, dey form as if dem believe her.

"I check our horoscope, this year no good for marriage—na bad luck e go bring."

She use am like shield. Some aunties dey say, “Horoscope ke?” Others dey nod like say na true. I just dey look her. The matter don dey clear.

I no even know when she start to believe horoscope.

For my mind, na new trick be this. She no dey read star before. I dey recall say she dey laugh at horoscope people for Twitter. But as I dey look her, my hope dey fade small small.

But I no be mumu.

My mind sharp, I see the play. Her voice dey shake, she no wan continue. I dey read her like newspaper, but I no talk.

If I press, e go be like say I dey worry her.

Everybody dey look me, I dey feel pressure. I no wan fight, I just dey try hold my pride. I breathe deep, force smile.

I just nod, put the ring back, pretend say nothing happen.

My hand dey tremble as I return the ring, I force small laugh. I dey do as if na normal play. Some people try clap, but the energy low. I just bone, dey swallow my pride.

Everybody soon cover the matter with laugh and gist.

Na so Morayo friends begin shout “Happy Birthday!” again, one uncle shout “Chop cake!” Dem try cover shame with gist. The tension reduce small, but my body still dey hot.

But inside me, I no fit calm.

My head dey boil, I no fit reason straight. I dey nod to people, but my heart dey ache. I dey smile for outside, but inside I dey pray make rain fall, make everywhere scatter.

I say make I go use toilet, just waka comot like person wey dey run.

I stand up quick, say, “Make I go ease myself.” My leg dey weak, I fit see some people dey look me with pity. As I waka pass, one pikin tap my back, whisper, “Sorry, Uncle Tunde.” My throat tight.

I wash my face, try get myself back.

For the small toilet, I pour water for face, look myself for mirror. The scar dey red, but my eye red pass. I dey try gather courage, dey pray say make my heart strong. “Tunde, no cry here o,” I dey warn myself. I rub small Vaseline for my face, adjust my shirt.

As I reach the door to enter back, na so I hear familiar voice inside.

I pause, ear dey alert. I hear Funmi, Morayo childhood friend, voice dey high. I no wan believe wetin my ear dey catch, but the words dey clear.

Na Morayo childhood friend.

She dey talk with another girl, but the voice sharp, no filter. The sound dey bounce from the door like e dey mock me.

"See yourself—na you deserve her?"

Funmi voice get blade. Na the type wey dey cut self-esteem, no remorse inside. My heart just dey sink as I hear am.

"Abeg, na frog dey chop princess for storybook, but this one? E no reach."

Dem burst laugh, the kain wicked laugh wey dey pain pass slap. The smell of fried plantain from backyard dey mix with their wicked laughter. The insult loud, no cover at all. My hand begin shake for the door handle. My pride dey vanish.

Those words hit me like slap.

Na so the pain register well. My face hot, my eye dey water. I dey ask God, “Na my own be this?”

I hold the door handle, I no fit enter for long.

My leg dey shake, I dey consider just waka commot go house. But shame dey hold me there. The toilet wey suppose be safe space, don turn trap.

Morayo no even defend me, just laugh two times:

I dey listen, dey hope say she go talk for my side. Instead, na her laughter I hear, short and sharp. My hope dey drop like PHCN light for rainy season.

"Abeg, e go soon come back."

Her voice just dey dismiss me like I no matter. I feel like person wey dem just push for back.

"Him don already spoil half of my birthday—una wan spoil the rest?"

She add join, her voice cold. The words cut deep, my chest dey pain. My hope for her don dey fade, but I still dey there, dey fool myself.

But as I wash my face for toilet, I dey realise—some scars no dey heal, no matter the cream.