Chapter 1: System Wahala Don Land

As proctor for the university entrance exam, I don see all kinds of students wey get system for this Lagos. Sometimes I go siddon for staff room, sip my early morning Lipton, dey pray say today go soft, but wahala no dey ever finish for this job. Nowadays, na system full everywhere, like say dem dey share am for market. Some people na pure luck; others, one mysterious voice go dey direct them. Person fit dey ordinary today, tomorrow e go dey run things like say she chop sense overnight. Na every season, new pattern go show face. As I dey observe all these things, e dey amaze me how JAMB, wey suppose be ordinary exam, don turn wrestling ground—everybody dey find their own edge.

Score-swapping, top student spirit possession, high-score system—omo, e full everywhere.

You go hear gist: "That girl wey no dey read, now she dey carry first every time." Or, "E be like say Emmanuel brain don dey for another person body!" Students go dey form, dey do anyhow, teachers dey gossip for staff room, parents dey call dey disturb for phone. Na the kind matter we dey handle every year, with face-slapping wahala join.

Plenty systems don turn this JAMB exam upside down. All those revenge and face-slapping drama just dey happen like say na Big Brother house.

Tension dey everywhere, as if exam dey bring out people real character. You fit see best friends wey dey share gala before, now na cold war. School belle dey cry for corridor. Everybody dey suspect each other—students dey form alliance like say na election season.

And before all these systems, I just dey observe like person wey dey chop groundnut for back seat.

Me, Teacher Temi, I just dey waka my own. If matter too pass boundary, I go just call security or write report—person nor fit put mouth for every wahala. But I dey always watch, dey notice wetin dey happen for this our compound.

But one day, one system come find me.

E call itself the Fair University Entrance Exam System.

Me sef shock! Since when system dey find teacher for this our area? E be like say na my own turn don finally reach.