Chapter 3: Trending Wahala

Early morning never even break, my agent don wake me, drag me go record another reality show. Guy no dey pity person—Lagos hustle no dey sleep.

Not long after Temi cut call last night, she call again like say she no get shame. As I see her name, I just weak.

Her excuse? Little Monster dey miss him papa. Even dog don join prank.

I slump for chair, tired, dey scroll trending gist. Only online wahala fit cool my head this morning.

But omo, I shock as all the trending topics na Temi matter: #LittlePrincess Seyi Makinde Late Night Soft Launch #LittlePrincess Late Night Dog Heist #SeyiMakindeResponds #NaijaLoveWahala #FemiRegrets

As I see the last one, I burst laugh. Who dey cook all these things? Wahala no dey finish for this city.

Royal son-in-law? Na who I be—retired oba? Na cruise or real wahala?

Since Seyi Makinde enter showbiz, anytime him trend, dem go drag me join, dey compare us. E be like say na me dey collect him work, dey give me extra wahala. Naija online people sabi find drama where e no dey.

I check comments, open Seyi Makinde’s Facebook. That guy dey always form influencer, always shirtless—abs everywhere.

His latest post na selfie from last night: [Wuwu, my dog don go with him mama, I dey lonely.]

He post am just thirty minutes after Temi own. E be like dem dey on code.

He even tag her. Wetin dey sup?

That night, trending searches just scatter: #TemiCarryDog #NaijaLoveWahala #WhoGetDogNoGetBae. Big accounts dey repost, my phone no gree rest.

Some people even join video clips of both of them together—Naija blogs sabi this kind edit die.

[OMG, my two faves don finally date!]

[Three months ago, paparazzi talk say dem go Ghana. Little Princess deny am, but now—see slap for face, lol.]

[Seyi, you wan announce engagement?]

[Little Princess humble for Seyi hand, na midnight dog thief she turn to, lol.]

[Little Princess dey spoil Seyi anyhow, see jealousy.]

Me: “……”

Last night, Temi even carry Seyi Makinde’s dog?

But no be him talk for interview say he dey fear dog? Abi na for camera he dey form, for real life e dey different?