Chapter 4: Doubt and Distance

“Madam dey use me play?”

Auwalu look me, him eye deep like say water dey inside.

My eye just half close, e land for him waist and belle.

Waist like warrior, hand like cutlass—sharp and strong.

How e take be say na ordinary steward get this kind body?

I suppose don reason am since.

Men wey get strong waist for storybook dey always get wahala; how my own go different?

And no be once or twice e don almost—just small remain—

But every time reach that point, na so e go pull back.

E be like say, e dey save himself for another person?

I just dey look am, my hand dey play with my wrapper, as I dey wonder if na me dey mumu. I remember all those old women story wey dem tell us for village, how men wey get body like lion dey always come with big wahala. My body dey shake, and shame dey catch me as I dey remember how I take dey beg am sometimes—me, noble woman, dey almost lose guard. But every time, Auwalu go just hold himself, him eye go soft, as if e dey keep him strength for another day. I wonder if na another woman dey him mind.

I wan smile back, but I hold am for chest—trust no dey easy for this compound.