Chapter 1: The Dare That Scatter Table

After all the wahala, I finally manage to sleep with the aloof academic god.

As I dey lie down for my hostel mattress that night, everything just dey replay for my mind like old Nollywood film. For all the stress and small disgrace wey I carry since semester start, e still dey shock me say I cross that line with Tunde—the same Tunde wey all the girls dey gossip about like say na angel wey no dey touch ground.

I pick one dare card wey talk say make I choose any guy to French kiss.

My hand no even shake as I pick Tunde. Everybody eye just dey shine for me like NEPA light during exam. My mind dey wonder if slap go land or if people go just laugh the thing off. But na this academic god I pick, the same one wey dey make girls forget their name for hostel corridor.

I call Tunde name, but the guy just siddon, bone face, no even shift.

He just dey look me with that his stone face, like person wey dey vex but dey try package. Him eye serious, body language no give signal at all. The room cold but sweat dey Tunde forehead. Tension choke—if pin drop, e go echo.

He look me, hold himself, finally talk: "Abeg, Morayo, I no fit do am now. E no go make sense."

Na so bullet comments begin flash for my mind:

[Of course e no go make sense. Main babe dey beside am. How e go kiss side chick for her front?]

[Just wait—when main babe draw dare next, you go see as e go rush am, proper French kiss. E go clear who get him heart.]

[Later, side chick go chop rejection, cry scatter makeup, beg guy for kiss like say shame no dey. That one go trend.]

The kind embarrassment wey rush me that moment, only person wey don chop public disgrace fit understand. For my mind, I dey beg ground to open swallow me. The whole party stiff, small giggles dey fly, but nobody fit laugh loud.

I no wan let dem use me do yeye, so I talk: "If e no make sense, abeg forget. I go pick another person kiss."

Everywhere just freeze.

The silence long pass NEPA bill. Even the small gen for backyard quiet. Everybody just dey watch me and Tunde like DSTV series, dey wait for next episode.

One person try talk: "Morayo, wetin dey sup? No be Tunde be your guy?"

Another voice—maybe Aisha—chook mouth: "Abeg, una get quarrel?"

The room dey hot, gist dey fly like mosquito.

"Who no sabi as e dey pamper you? Dem even post am for school group say when your couple ring fall inside fish pond, the guy dive go bring am for you."

That gist still dey hot for campus. People don carry am go UNILAG Parrot, even Snapchat story dey hot. Twitter sef no calm.

"Abeg, na just game. No need carry am for head. Drink your drink jare. No be so couples dey do? Quarrel for bed head, settle for bed foot."

Tunde look me, worry full him eye: "Morayo, you dey vex?"

E voice low, like person dey beg for church. Him Adam’s apple dey bounce like pikin wey chop pepper.

I purse my lips. "No."

But my heart dey tight like new bra. My pride dey catch fire.

I pour myself small stout—cheap one from Shoprite, sharp for pepper body.

The cup dey tremble for my hand, but I still bone face, wear smile. For Naija, you gats package, no show pain.

Tunde never really do me dirty before, so I no get reason to kiss another guy just to vex.

Na true. For all the cruise wey me and Tunde don run, e never break my heart. I no wan do pass myself make dem yarn say I no get sense.

Since I no do dare, na drink I go chop.

Na so the rule be: no do dare, drink go follow.

Tunde pour himself full cup of wine, look me: "This round na my fault. I go take punishment."

E raise the cup, drink am finish, Adam’s apple just dey bounce.

Boys for corner hail am: "Correct guy!"

Game continue like nothing happen.

I dey form say nothing dey pain me, but inside, my heart dey bitter like bitterleaf.

My smile dey strong, but inside water don pass garri. Only God know my mind.

I no fit focus for game again, my mind dey wander—who be this 'main babe' dem dey talk for bullet comments?

My suspicion dey rise. I dey watch Tunde face, dey check if e go look another babe. Girls dey eye me with sly smile.

Na that time, junior Halima draw dare, raise hand like shy pikin:

Halima na fresher, her skin dey shine, voice like small rat wey dey beg for garri. She dey fear, but she get small mind.

"Erm… I think na the same dare I get—make I choose one guy kiss."

She look all the guys, finally her watery eye land for Tunde.

The room dey quiet like Super Eagles penalty.

"Senior, na only you I sabi for here. You fit help me?"

Everybody hold breath, dey look me, dey look her, dey wait for gbege.

My heart miss one beat. The tension for my throat na like hot amala dey block.

Bullet comments dey jubilate:

[Baby don get liver, she don finally confess her crush.]

[Next, side chick go craze, push main babe for ground. Guy go pity main babe, force side chick beg. Plenty pampering.]

[But main babe no too try sha. Side chick still get the guy.]

[Who talk that one? Na only mumu dey pity side chick. She just extra for the story. Guy no even reason am.]

[After dem break, side chick go threaten say she wan jump hostel, guy go say: 'Try am if you get mind.']

My palm cold, sweat dey my back even as AC dey blow.

I no fit do craze push Halima for front of everybody.

If I try am, na WhatsApp gist go scatter. I no fit carry that kind embarrassment.

But I really wan see wetin Tunde go do.

If he no gree, na hope. If he gree, na wahala.

Tunde look Halima, frown: "I don talk before—I get babe."

The frown serious, eyebrow join like Lagos traffic.

Halima dey find who go help, nobody gree. She bite lip, eye red like she wan cry.

She look like person wey dey beg for expo. Everybody pity her, but nobody wan risk babe vex.

"Senior, I dey allergic to alcohol. If you no fit kiss me, abeg, you fit help me drink my punishment?"

Her voice dey shake like fowl wey see hawk. Her allergy na known matter for our clique. People dey look away with style.

Tunde face squeeze, he look me: "Morayo, you go vex? I go only hear from you."

That kind question ehn. People dey watch me like say my answer go determine SUG election.

Bullet comments shock:

[I see am so? Guy dey ask side chick permission?]

[And e no even rush kiss my baby main babe? Na so love story dey go?]

[Abeg, na just show. Even if side chick say no, e go still do wetin e like. More disgrace for her.]

I clench hand, bone: "Do as you like."

But inside, my mind dey spin. Na so love dey pain?

But inside, I dey pray say make Tunde no gree help am.

But—

Tension dey choke. Even my phone dey shake.

Tunde eye dull, he carry wine, drink am for Halima.

My heart just pain me.

As I see am, my chest dey drag. E be like say dem stab me with broomstick.

I dey try console myself, dey talk say Tunde just help Halima because she dey allergic.

But bullet comments no gree leave my head:

[You see am? Guy no fit ignore main babe. See as e drink for her.]

[Cold-faced coded jealous guy, I dey feel am.]

[You no fit disgrace main babe for public. Punishment for guy: go suffer win wife back.]

[You never notice? Guy don quietly choose side, just nobody see am.]

[Hehe, na because baby look so pitiful. E dey act strong but e don lose guard, e wan carry her go market.]

[No wonder e no gree stand kiss am. E dey fear say if e stand, e thing for down go scare baby.]

As I dey read all these, my heart just fall.

Tunde react for Halima.

I dey tell myself say e be nothing, but my woman instinct dey disturb me.

I dey try deny, but my eye dey shift go down, dey check him body.

True true, the guy don pitch tent.

My body cold, heart drop reach ground.

Body no dey lie. My mind dey run. Wetin I go do?

No matter how e be, e clear for face.

I just cold all over, tears full my eye.

I wipe face before anybody go notice. Shame dey catch me.

Tunde don drink for Halima.

Game continue as if nothing happen.

But me, I no get mind play again.

My spirit don comot. I just dey watch clock, dey wish say I fit disappear.

I just wan waka go.

Bullet comments dey wait next gist:

[Friendly reminder: tonight baby go draw card wey go make her open room with man.]

[Guy na proper Lagos jealous man, e no fit allow baby go hotel with another guy. If she try am, tonight e go show am pepper.]

As I see that comment, my fingernail dig for palm. Body just weak, I dey fight tears.

Kunle wey siddon near me pat my shoulder: "Wetin dey sup?"

Kunle na sharp Lagos boy, always dey notice. Him hand warm, like elder brother.

I shake head: "Nothing."

No need talk, my pride too strong. If I open mouth, I go break down.

Kunle na my cousin, e always dey protect me.

Me and Kunle dey close, but na coded. Nobody sabi say we be family. We dey play padi for public.

We never talk say we be family for open, so nobody know.

That time, Kunle draw dare. Smile just disappear.

As he open card, I see am, e no like wetin e read. Hand shake.

He read: [Carry any girl for here go hotel, snap check-in screenshot, post for group chat.]

This dare mad o, everybody just dey laugh, dey wait for wahala.

Gist dey fly: "Omo, na scandal be this!"

Bullet comments dey para:

[Get ready, after this, main babe go draw card to open room with guy.]

[Because guy no gree kiss am, main babe go vex, go hotel with another guy. Guy go pursue, drag her go hotel outside.]

[Another guy? Gobe dey. Guy na coded Lagos jealous man. Tonight, e go check her credentials for hotel.]

[Haha, guy leave side chick, carry main babe go hotel, leave side chick. Shame go catch am.]

Kunle think say the dare too much, so he wan just drink as punishment.

He dey form big man, but I sabi am. He no wan disgrace anybody.

But I sharply hold him wrist:

As my hand touch am, e turn quick, look my face. My mind don decide already.

"You don forget? Last time you get stomach wahala, you no fit drink."

He remember that night wey we rush am go sick bay because of suya and beer. I no wan repeat am.

"I go follow you open room."

He shock: "Wetin you talk?"

Face twist, eyebrow stand. He dey try process.

Before e fit talk, I don dey pull am up.

No time to explain. I grab my bag, drag am with style before crowd notice.

Kunle always dey pamper me. Even as e no understand, e follow me stand up, waka out.

He give me that look—'I dey your back'—like true blood.

For everybody front, I carry another man go open room, leave my boyfriend siddon.

As we dey go door, I feel people dey whisper, dey eye us like market women for Balogun.

Tunde see am, eye sharp, e rush stand, dey chase us.

"Morayo!"

But Halima block am, stand for front with red eye: "Senior, abeg no go. Na only you I sabi here. If you comot, I go dey fear."

She use small girl power, body dey shake. For one moment, house freeze.

"Game never finish. Abeg, no worry about others, okay?"

My chest dey pain. I hold Kunle hand, waka comot, no look Tunde face till we reach outside.

I be like marathon runner. Eye dey hot, leg dey quick, I no gree look back. Even night breeze for campus no fit cool my anger.

Bullet comments begin vex:

[Wetin side chick dey do? She suppose jealous, come do nonsense, disgrace main babe, so guy go pity am. Why she dey go open room with another guy?]

[If she go open room, who go push main babe and guy together?]

[How guy go leave main babe, dey chase another girl?]

[No panic. If e try am today, na wife-chasing wahala go jam am.]

[You no get sense? Guy dey vex because baby collect love letter last time. Na why e dey chase her, wan make her jealous.]

[I remember, after baby collect love letter yesterday, guy sharply sleep with side chick. Na just to make main babe jealous.]

[Just dey use side chick practice, so e go sabi when e reach main babe turn.]

My heart just dey heavy.

For my mind, na question full ground. Who I be for this story? Why e be like say dem don write my script finish?

As bullet comments talk am, na so Tunde really push Halima aside, dey chase me.

E no send her beg. Just waka pass like bus conductor for Ojuelegba.

I rush enter Kunle car, tell am make e drive sharp sharp.

Kunle no waste time, start engine, zoom comot before Tunde fit reach us.

Engine roar, na so we comot for party, leave their wahala behind.