Chapter 3: The Weight of Madness

My pikin surgery last almost one whole day and night. Doctor open her belle, commot her womb. Dem say dem see all kind rubbish and dirty thing inside her—things wey I no even fit imagine person fit force inside another human being.

The waiting room dey cold, wall clock dey tick loud. Other families dey sleep for bench, but me I no fit close eye. Every time nurse open door, my heart jump. Dem call me inside, show me what dem commot—my leg weak, I nearly vomit. I dey see blood everywhere, my daughter's schoolbag dey corner, untouched since that day.

Dem save her life, but her urinary system don spoil. She go dey use urine bag till she die.

The doctor eyes red, voice low. She hold my hand, whisper, "Sorry, sir, we try everything. Na God hand we dey. Make you no give up for her." I dey look the small transparent bag, my heart dey break.

Doctor talk say the trauma too much, she no fit see any man, especially her age mates.

My mind scatter. The psychologist come talk to me, give me small paper, say make I dey read with her, but my daughter just dey turn face. The woman try hug am, she pull away, dey shake. Her body dey reject everybody.

I sit down by her bed. She don tear four of her fingernails, dey scratch floor from pain. Dried blood still dey under her nail.

Her breathing dey rough, hair scatter. I hold her hand, but she dey stiff. I dey pray under my breath. "Chika, abeg, na Daddy. I dey here. Nothing go do you again."

But she no gree make anybody touch her.

Nurse bring juice, she push am commot. When dem try change her bedsheet, she dey scream. The matron say, "Oga, e go take time. E go dey hard, but abeg, no give up on her."

Normally, I no too dey talk, na my pikin dey always cheer me up. Every day, she go dey jump around me like small rabbit, dey call, "Daddy, Daddy."

She go run come my room every morning, dey play with my belt, dey drag my hand, dey beg me make I carry her for back. Her laughter dey ring for house like music. She go arrange my shoes, dey ask when I go buy her suya.

But now, as I try talk to her, she no answer.

I try touch her shoulder, she turn face. The pain too much. Even nurse no fit near her.

"Chika, Daddy buy you your favourite chin-chin. Na strawberry you like abi? Or honey? You no want?"

I put the chin-chin for table. The nylon never even open. I dey beg her with my eyes, "Chika, abeg, just try small."

No reply.

She quiet like church bell wey no get rope. She dey look wall, her eyes blank. She no even blink. I dey beg God, "Why my own pikin?"

"Chika, you wan go house soon abi? When you well, I go carry you go amusement park you dey always talk about."

I describe the big swing, the popcorn, the horse ride she like. Still, Chika no talk.

She just squeeze her wrapper tight. Her mouth dey quiver, but no word commot.

I no sabi how to be papa. Even now, I still no fit do am.

I dey look her, dey wonder how to reach her mind. Wetin I fit talk? Wetin I fit do?

As I dey confuse, Chika just talk.

Her voice tiny, like whisper. My ear stretch, I almost miss am.

She ask, "Daddy, I do bad thing?"

Her eyes wide, full of fear. Her hand dey tremble as she talk. My chest tight.

"Ehn?"

I shift closer, voice low, "No, my pikin. You do nothing. Wetin happen no be your fault."

Chika mumble, "Teacher talk say na only bad pikin dem dey punish. Daddy, dem punish me because I bad?"

Tears drop from her eye. My own tears dey come, but I dey swallow am. My mind dey break. How small pikin go dey reason like this?

My Chika—she just dey waka for her normal road, na boys wey just finish exam catch her, use her take do their evil.

She be innocent, never even reach to carry heavy bag. All her wahala na school homework. Wetin she do wrong?

As she ask me, my throat just lock. I no fit talk.

Words no gree come out. I dey look ceiling, dey bite lip, dey pray make God help me answer her.

Chika small body dey shake as she cry for my hand.

Her sob dey enter my body like knife. Her tears wet my shirt. I just dey rub her back, dey whisper, "No cry, my pikin, Daddy dey here."

I hold her, my chest dey burn like fire.

As I hold her, my hand dey sweat, but I no let go. The pain dey join with anger. My eyes red, but I gats show her small strength. For her sake, I gats stand.

Few days later, I hear more about that devil, Efe Okon.

The gist reach my side. Even hospital staff dey talk am for corridor. Everybody dey look me with pity eye, but nobody fit talk wetin dem really feel.

Im parents bring history of madness, final say na mental wahala make am no know wetin e dey do, so e no go face criminal wahala.

Their lawyer fine, wear white shirt, dey talk plenty English. The psychiatric report thick, full of big grammar. I see am, I shake head. Na money dey talk for this country.

The punishment wey Efe get na 1.5 million naira compensation, im parents go dey monitor am, and e go come face us to apologise.

The cheque dem write, I no even touch am. I just dey look the signature, dey wonder if money fit wash away this kain evil.

The day wey dem come apologise, Efe papa wear cap, dey fear me.

The man dey sweat, even inside AC. The AC dey blow, but sweat still dey my back. Im eyes no fit look me direct. E hold im son for shoulder, dey try press am down.

Efe look me, laugh. "Na you burn my papa hair, abi? You try, na wetin I dey always wan do."

The boy teeth white, but im eyes dey dark. The police officer stand for corner, dey frown. Everybody dey tense. Even Efe mama dey squeeze handkerchief.

Mr. Okon shout. "Shut up! Apologise make we dey go."

The man slap im son head, but the boy no even flinch. The shame dey show for papa face. Some elders dey shake head for background.

"Okay."

Efe waka come, look me up and down, suddenly talk, "You know, as I dey do your daughter, she dey call your name? Hahaha, e funny die. She just dey shout Daddy. I tell am say na me be her daddy, she even bite me.

His voice high, he dey talk like say na normal joke. The air cold, everybody quiet. His friends dey outside, dey peep through window.

"I come carry stone, knock her head. Three times. She begin bleed. No be small thing, abi?"

He dey talk am like say na film. No remorse, no shame. The policewoman hold chair, dey try stand up, her hand dey shake.

"You dey vex? You wan send me prison? But I dey mad. Wetin you wan do—make mad man turn you mad join?"

His laugh loud. He look around, like say he dey entertain crowd. Even the lawyer dey sweat.

Police officer face change. "Parents, hold your pikin well!"

He rush stand near the boy, ready to hold am if e try anything. The air tense, everybody dey ready for fight.

Mr. Okon face twist. He slap Efe. "Shut up! You never do reach?"

The slap loud, echo for wall. Some people sigh. The mama begin cry, dey beg her son, "Efe, abeg, e don do. No talk again."

Everywhere scatter. Efe mama dey cry, police dey try hold am, Efe just dey laugh like person wey no well.

Somebody dey record with phone. The lawyer dey beg make dem off camera. The room hot, but breeze no fit enter.

If you talk again, I go lock you for cell with madman.

But me, I no vex. Na one kind sweet feeling just dey rush my body.

The anger don pass, wetin remain na cold happiness. My hand steady, my eye sharp. I dey see through everybody.

I squat, look am for eye, smile small. "No wahala, boy. Your own turn go soon reach for mad man game."

I use my knuckle tap table, my voice low, but e enter everybody ear. I see fear flash for Efe eye for one second. I no talk again.

E good as I meet person wey get my kind mind.

For this life, sometimes, only madness fit balance madness. I dey wonder if the world go let us settle the matter the way e suppose be.

I dey wonder, whose name e go dey shout when e own time reach?

I picture the future, how the fear go grip am. For my mind, I dey pray say the pain go return to sender, ten times over.