Chapter 1: Interview Wahala

During the direct PhD interview, one lecturer ask me:

"Why you wan do PhD?"

The question land with heavy silence, like say dem dey weigh my soul, not just my mouth. Na the type wey if you answer anyhow, dem go just wave you commot. But I just balance, look the lecturer for face, try gather confidence from deep inside me. For inside my chest, my heart dey drum gbagam like ogene.

I answer with all the ginger for my chest: "I wan dedicate my life to pure mathematics." As I talk am, small voice for my head dey ask if na true. My voice tremble small, but I no let fear show. The hall quiet small, then the lecturers look each other, smile like say dem sabi wetin dey.

Their eyes get that twinkle, the kind wey old people dey use when dem don see this type dream plenty times. Maybe dem dey remember their own days of ginger, or maybe dem just dey laugh for inside mind. My chest still dey rise and fall, but I keep face strong.

After five years of PhD wahala, that same lecturer ask me again:

"Wetyn you wan do next?"

Na so the world don turn. I look the lecturer, my spirit already tired. Na different kind tiredness, the one wey dey reach bone. But I just answer, voice flat, small smile for mouth:

"I wan become security man."

"You get security guard certificate?"

"I write the exam last month."

The man look me up and down, him eye dey measure my size. Small tension dey for the air, but na routine questions.

"You look gentle. You finish secondary school?"

"I finish secondary school."

He write something for form, face still straight, but him eyebrow raise small. E be like say, for this job, the less book you get, the better.

"You get fire control certificate?"

"I never get that one, but I sabi how to use fire extinguisher. My uncle get mechanic shop, I dey help sometimes."

He nod slow, like say he dey calculate something for him mind.

"Okay, na three shifts per day. Two hours stand, six hours sit. Salary na 4,500 per month, food and accommodation dey, five days off every month, plus five insurances and one fund. You go do am?"

The way he arrange the benefit, e be like better offer. But I just nod, no even think twice:

"I go do am."

He look me, try judge whether I go last for the job.

"You still young, hope say you no go just work one month run comot?"

I smile, do small salute like soldier:

"No worry, I go stay at least half year."

He laugh small, like say my stubbornness amuse am.

"Okay, fill your details for this form."

I collect biro, my hand steady, I write my name slow: Ifedayo Okeke. Education: secondary school graduate.

The security team leader look the form, nod: "Your handwriting fine, my guy. Bring your documents come next Monday make you sign contract start work."

I try hide my small joy, just reply, "Thank you, oga."

This na the easiest interview wey I ever do, but my performance no too shine.

For my mind, I dey replay the whole thing. My grammar, my posture, the way my voice sound. But as I dey walk commot, I just tell myself say, at least na job I get.

The team leader no too happy with my body size, say I dey slim, easy to bully. If no be say I tall pass 1.8 meters, e for no even employ me.

He even glance at my legs, like say height fit balance the slimness. In our line, dem prefer heavy people, the kind wey chest be like generator. But God help me, my long leg save me.

Secondary school certificate and youth no be advantage here—dem just see am as wahala, say young people dey always quick resign.

E be like say to dem, young person dey waka with wahala for head. As I hear am, I just reason say, e get as e be for this life. Who go believe say book fit be problem?

From my research, fire control operator na the oga for security work.

Dem be like king for the building, get access to monitoring room, dey press all the CCTV controls. Na the position wey get respect, even small allowance join.

But plenty people dey rush for the fire control certificate, so I suppose wait one year before I fit write the exam. That one make me miss chance to dey inside monitoring room.

I just dey remind myself say, life no dey rush person. Na step by step. I go do am when my time reach.

Anyway, I still land this security job for one big office building for Makurdi.

Makurdi sun dey roast person like kilishi, but inside the office, AC dey blow like harmattan breeze. The building fine—big glass, marble floor, AC dey blow everywhere. E be like place wey beta people dey come work, but me I dey just blend in.

Monday reach, I wear uniform, start work proper. Team leader explain give me:

"You go stand for post during rush hour, lobby duty dey on rotation, other times you fit rest for break room. If you wan swap shift, e dey possible."

He even pat my shoulder: "No fear, Dayo, you go blend in quick. Just no sleep for post."

Dem assign me to the entrance post, with one man wey dey around him forties.

The man skin don see sun, face sharp but e soft. E look me up and down, then e smile.

"My name na Baba Musa, but people for my area dey call me 'the gentle giant.' Just call me Baba."

"I be Ifedayo, you fit call me Dayo."

We shake hands. For security work, handshake dey show say you be correct person. I notice say him palm strong, like person wey don dey do this work long.

Office people dey rush in, dey tap their ID card enter building. After 9:30, everywhere calm small.

The crowd first dey like Lagos bus stop, everybody dey rush, some dey greet, some no even look face. But after the rush, silence drop, only AC dey hum.

I just dey look, no dey think of formula, no dey think of proof, just dey stare the potted plant wey dey my front corner.

The plant bend like old mama for evening, just dey struggle stand. I count the leaves, watch as small sunlight touch am. Mind dey blank, na peace I dey feel.

One black insect dey waka for rubber tree leaf, just dey try, like person wey dey hustle for Lagos traffic.

E dey twist body, try climb up, then fall, then try again. I just dey wonder wetin dey push the insect, abi na hunger, abi na confusion. Life sometimes na like that.

Baba Musa begin yarn:

"You too young, why you come do security? Team leader talk say you even finish secondary school."

I shift leg, voice low: "My brain no too sharp. The places wey I apply no gree for me, so I just come here do easy work." I talk with small sadness.

As I talk, I look ground. For my mind, I dey remember all the rejection email, all the struggle. I no even get energy to form or boast.

He pat my shoulder: "No worry, this work easy true true. Soon, you fit go break room do anything wey you like."

He smile wide, eyes gentle. E get that kind calmness of person wey don see life taya. His own way to comfort me na just dey show say suffering no dey last.

"If I get sharp brain, who go come here? Me sef no too smart, na to hope say my pikin go better. I get two children—my daughter dey always take first, my son dull, e resemble me."

He laugh, voice mellow. Na the laugh of man wey accept him fate, no dey struggle too much again. He dey proud of him daughter, but him heart dey with the boy.

"But sometimes this book sef no dey help person. Yesterday I see one video—PhD student threaten him supervisor with knife because e no fit graduate, then..."

He shake head, voice low, like say book fit drive person mad. Na the gist wey dey trend that week. Everybody dey talk about pressure for school.

"I sabi that story. You dey talk true." I sharply cut in, "How old your pikin? You get their photo?"

As I mention children, Baba Musa face light up. Immediately, him energy change. He quickly bring out him phone, unlock am, show me their pictures. Pride dey his face.

I just dey give normal praise:

"Dem fine well well." "This your daughter sharp o." "Your son resemble you."

Every praise, he dey smile wider. Na so man dey heal small, when another person see your children finish.

Afterwards, we go break room, Baba Musa begin watch short videos for TikTok Nigeria.

Him laughter dey loud as he swipe, every video na new joke. Sometimes he go tap me, "Dayo, see this one!"

Me, I log into Genshin Impact, do my daily runs, gather artifacts, burn my stamina, just dey waka for map.

For my own escape, na my digital world. I fit forget reality, even if na for thirty minutes. My avatar dey jump, I dey smile inside.

Later, I open YouTube check my digital daughters.

Anime wey I dey follow—na Japanese cartoon—dey make me happy. My own small escape. I just dey watch their dance. Na my own small joy, to see digital people dey happy, no wahala.

After all that, na long stretch of daydreaming.

I go window, look outside, dey imagine life for another place. Sometimes, I just dey stare ceiling, dey count AC lines.

Apart from say I no dey think of research again, my life no too different from my PhD days.

Instead of chalk and board, na uniform and badge. But that same sense of waiting, of passing time, still dey there.

Night reach, I begin regret my innocent thoughts.

The regret no dey deep, na just that small feeling say, life fit hard for anywhere you go. E no get perfect work.

Staff dormitory na three-man room. My roommates na Seyi and Uche.

Seyi dey always wear glasses, him like football. Uche dey quick talk, love gist. The room neat, bedsheet white, window dey bring breeze.

At first, things smooth. Dem dey neat, even invite me play Whot. Everywhere calm—at least for now.

Dem even show me where dem dey hide garri and groundnut. E get as e sweet, this small family.

Until NEPA take light, as I wan do my usual insomnia routine, close eye begin dey think life, na so thunderous snoring start.

The first snore shock me, e get bass like generator. E be like say NEPA no fit off this one. I try cover ear, but e no work.

As I just dey try adapt, another snore join—like say dem dey do duet. One go up, the other come down, long and loud.

E be like music, but na the kind wey no let person rest. For my mind, I dey beg make dem pause.

Inside this thunder, my mind leave universe and meaning of life, return to normal world.

All the philosophy, all the big thinking, just scatter. Na survival remain.

No fit think again. Me wey don used to insomnia, dey alone for PhD hostel, now just dey wonder how I go take sleep escape this wahala.

The mattress dey soft, but the sound dey loud. I count sheep, count fans, count everything—still, no sleep.

I get up, find one earplug wey follow face mask I buy. Thank God I no throw am away.

I hug am like gold, fit even dance for small joy. If no be God, na wahala for me.

I wear am, e help small, but the noise just reduce—like white noise now.

E still dey, but e be like distant rain. I just manage am.

I toss and turn, no even know when I sleep. For dream, I dey fall again—na so my first day as security end.

Na dream wey I dey always get: falling, falling, no ground. I wake, sweat small. Morning don reach.

As I dress for work, my mind dey wonder—how many times person go fall before e land?