Chapter 1: Shadows and Secrets in the Palace

I get one secret.

For this life wey I dey so, from the very day wey I comot for my mama belle, I dey carry the memories of my past life for my head like heavy load. Sometimes e dey even press me for chest when the night don quiet, and only the crickets dey sing.

This secret, I just hide am deep for my heart; I no even fit tell anybody, not even small hint. Sometimes e dey hook me for throat, but I go swallow am back. If dem know, dem fit use am do me juju. I just dey waka my waka as if say nothing dey, but my spirit dey always dey shake for inside.

Until that year wey I enter the king’s palace come dey serve as maid. Na there everything wey I dey run from begin pursue me well-well.

My people warn me: make I no near Madam Halima, Noble Wife Halima. Dem talk say she wicked, say she dey kill anyhow, say plenty people don die for her hand. You know say for our side, once gist don enter street like this, e go turn story for beer parlour.

I no gree. I stubborn pass goat. Because I don see Madam Halima picture before—and I recognise her as my pikin from my last life. Even as dem dey talk all the fearful things, my mind no fit rest.

When I die that time, she still be small girl, just ten years old. Her cry dey echo for my ear anytime breeze blow night. My chest go tight like person wey chop unripe pawpaw.

I wan know why the soft, gentle pikin wey I know that year come turn to this demon wey everybody dey fear…

1

Na so dem beat Peace die. For this palace, na only God dey protect person. Her body dey full of blood, dem drag am pass us, na palace guards do the work. The way her blood dey soak the wrapper shock even the strong-hearted ones. Some of the other maids wey no get mind just faint as dem see am. Two maids collapse, palace nurse rush come, but dem no get power for that kind matter.

I just dey look them as dem waka go, my eye still dey the red blood wey stain the ground. For my mind, I dey pray say may God forgive am. The ground even dey smell iron, like wet rain dey fall for old zinc. Mosquitoes begin gather for where blood touch ground, but nobody chase them—fear too heavy.

Very soon, person go come clean those stains. Na so e dey for palace—dem no dey let bad thing stay show for long. The world for palace dey move on fast, as if say nothing happen.

After today, nobody go mention palace maid wey dem dey call Peace for this palace again. Her memory go just disappear like harmattan breeze. For this kind place, na only your shadow dey loyal to you.

I still remember the day I enter palace. My heart dey beat like drum for festival. Peace follow me, dey look everywhere, dey wonder for all the fine-fine things wey dey palace. She dey touch gold plate, dey ask question like small pikin wey never see city before.

Later, we dey chop and sleep together, dey learn palace rules together. For night, na so we go whisper our fear as we dey press mat for floor.

That night, she bend for my bedside, come whisper,

"When we finish this rule learning, dem go share us give the noble ladies. You no dey fear?"

Her mouth dey close to my ear, her breath cold. For palace, fear dey spread faster than malaria.

I ask her, "Fear wetin?"

"Fear… say dem go carry you go Noble Wife Halima’s Sapphire Hall." Her voice low, dey shake like leaf. "I hear say Noble Wife Halima wicked well-well—plenty guards and maids don die for her hand…"

I just quiet. For my mind, I dey think another thing. She just hide under her wrapper. "I pray make I no get that kind bad luck…"

As e be, na so her talk come true. For this palace, word fit become reality quick.

Dem assign her go Sapphire Hall, and after just seven days, na so she turn cold body. Her name waka join the ones wey don disappear. Palace na place where memory short pass NEPA light.

I shift my eyes, waka follow the other maids. Everybody dey try comport, but fear dey their body like heat for dry season. Dem send us go serve the Old Madam, but that one no like noise, so she send us back again. She dey prefer her silence like old cat wey no wan play.

The head matron call us. Her voice strong, her eye sharp like person wey dey look for who chop her fish. She look us finish. "Una see am—one person don comot for Noble Wife Halima palace, so we must send another maid go replace am."

Before she finish, some of the maids face don pale, dem even shift back small. Na only small courage remain for inside that room.

The youngest one, Zainabu, just kneel down sharp-sharp, hold matron skirt dey beg, head for ground. "Matron, abeg! My mama dey wait for me to send money, if I die who go help am chop? I beg you with God name!"

She dey cry, tears and catarrh just dey flow. Her sob dey shake her body, her voice crack like old radio.

Matron face strong, she give Zainabu one hot slap. The sound echo for the corridor, all of us freeze. Even the cockroach for corner stop to move.

"Mind your mouth! Who tell you say to go Sapphire Hall na death sentence? If dem hear this thing for outside, even if you get ten heads, e no go reach!"

Zainabu just quiet, her face white, she dey sob small-small. Palace cold no even let her dry her tears finish.

Matron no get patience again. "Nobody wan go? Okay, make I just choose anybody."

Her finger just dey up, ready to point somebody, na so I step forward. My heart dey beat anyhow, but my leg no shake.

"Matron, na me go go."

All the other maids shock, dey look me. Even the air for that room stop.

Matron sef no expect am, she just ask, "Why?"

"Because…"

Because I no believe am. E get as palace gist dey sweet, but e no always dey true. I no believe say Madam Halima, Noble Wife Halima, really wicked reach like that. For my mind, I dey carry hope say my own story go different.

……

I get one secret. Since I born, I dey carry memory of my last life. Sometimes the memory heavy me, but na wetin keep me dey waka strong. I sabi who I be, who I marry, and how I take die.

So, when I hear say one Noble Wife dey palace wey dem dey call Madam Halima, I find every way to enter palace. I use all the connection wey I fit get. I even tell lies for my uncle wey dey work for palace store just to get chance.

Until, by luck, I see her picture. Na that time I sure—na my pikin from my last life. My spirit nearly jump comot my body that day. I hold the photo tight, my finger dey shake, my mind dey race.

I remember the day I die. Rain dey fall that day. The type wey dey make gutter overflow and children run go hide. The type wey dey wash all the dust from street, thunder dey scatter sky. Outside the window, rain just dey drop. The cold dey enter bone. My ear don dey fail me, but I still fit hear my pikin dey cry for my side. Her voice dey drag like person wey dey drown.

"Mama, abeg no leave me, abeg… If you go, wetin I go do? Papa like Aunty Kemi and small brother, he no even like me… now even you no want me…"

I touch her hair, my hand already weak. The hair soft like fufu, but my hand weak to plait am. My eye dey blur, everywhere come dark. The last thing wey I hear na her rough voice—"Mama."

……

That night, I waka go matron room. For palace, to enter matron room na courage work. I kneel down for floor, talk with my heart: "Matron, I no wan die. Abeg, show me road."

She sip her tea. The way she hold cup show say na woman wey don see life. "You quick gree that time—I think say you no dey fear."

I just keep my head down, no talk. The fear dey my body, but my face dey calm. Matron finish her tea, look me. Her eyes dey look through person like knife. "Before Noble Wife Halima enter palace, she be first daughter for Musa Chief’s house. Her real mama die quick, and after her mama die, Chief Musa carry him concubine come make official wife. Later, when His Royal Highness still be prince, na so he see Miss Halima dey look flower for east side. When His Royal Highness come become king, Miss Halima just waka enter palace become Noble Wife Halima."

Matron pause. The tea dey cool for her hand. "When Noble Wife Halima first enter palace, she no be like this. Her body cold, but she no wicked or dey kill anyhow… Later, Chief Musa die for sickness. That time, Noble Wife Halima don carry belle. She beg to go house go mourn, but fight come burst with her stepmama. Madam fall, come lose the belle. King vex. The stepmama, fear catch am say king go blame her son, na so she hang herself that night…"

I just dey listen. My heart dey beat slow, the room quiet like grave. After long silence, matron talk: "I no sabi all, but the consort no too send the Musa family. If you reach Sapphire Hall, no ever mention Musa family for her front. After she lose that belle, she never get belle again. King no dey visit her like before, and Noble Wife Halima don dey change, dey hard to serve. Her character just dey turn anyhow. I no fit tell you more than this, Aminat. Abeg, take care of yourself."

I kneel, bow my head. The ground cold, but I hold my kneel well. "Thank you, Matron, for your advice."

As I dey come out, I look up, see moon for sky. The palace compound quiet, only moon dey shine. Tonight, the moon shine well. E fine like silver plate, dey hang for sky like guardian spirit.

My mind just carry me go back to when Ayoola be seven. She like to rest for my lap, dey look moon as I dey braid her hair. Her laughter that time fit chase away sadness. She go clap hand and sing, “Moon, moon, come and play!”

"Mama, you sure say fairies dey for moon?"

"Yes," I smile. "Plenty fairies dey live for moon."

That time, my body no too strong again. Even Ayoola dey suspect, but I dey hide my pain with story and song. Anytime, I dey try hide my pain, make she no worry. I know say I no go live see her grow. The thought dey cut my heart.

So I dey always prepare her mind, so the day I go, e no go pain her too much. Sometimes I go sing for her, sometimes na only story I go tell. My tears go fall for night when nobody dey watch.

"One day, Mama go fly go moon too."

I look Ayoola for eye, talk soft: "If one day Mama no dey, Ayoola, no cry. Mama just fly go moon become fairy. I go dey look you from sky."