Chapter 10: The Fake Ritual

After I take ‘tonic’, at least one hour, I safe. I fit vomit am. But then I go fail Spiritual Awakening again, if dem catch me, na die sure pass. But wetin be the meaning of this Spiritual Awakening self? Kai. I no fit let myself ‘succeed for Spiritual Awakening’ at all.

The question dey heavy for my chest. I dey think of my people, how dem trust me. I dey look my own palm, dey wish say I fit use hand push out all the evil for this place. My fear dey mix with anger, and for my heart, I dey vow say I no go turn like dem.

I watch Abdul shake im empty palm wine gourd, lazy talk,

“Junior brother, hurry do Spiritual Awakening and condense your spirit. The world go change for your eye after Spiritual Awakening.” Im face fine, look sincere. You no go believe say na cold-blood killer wey kill whole family. Annoyance just hold me, I nod anyhow, go meet Pastor collect the tonic, take am for their front, then waka go my room, write note for myself, set knife, adjust angle, try tie my hands. I wan try… Spiritual Awakening.

My hand dey shake as I dey write the note. I dey ask God make e give me strength, make my ancestors guide my knife well. I dey tie my hands so I no go lose courage at the last moment. The air for room dey smell like camphor and sweat, and outside, the evening breeze dey whistle old song.