Chapter 1: The Night Wahala Landed

That year, for the first time ever, person thief WAEC exam papers for Naija—wahala start proper.

If you ask anybody for town that year, dem go tell you say e be like true-life Nollywood film. Old women for market square go gather, dey gist with their wrapper tie tight for chest, “Ah-ah! Wetin our country don turn to? Even exam paper dem dey thief now?” Even children wey never write common entrance dey run upandan with gist, shouting, “E don happen o!” as if dem fit smell wahala the way goat dey smell yam.

On top the night before the big secondary school leaving exam, na so dem thief the WAEC papers wey dem keep for Education Board office.

For Makurdi and all the nearby towns, radio and TV stations dey blast the news hot-hot, every mama and papa for house just dey shake head. If you waka enter any beer parlour, the smell of pepper soup and spilled Star beer go hit you first, before you even hear the argument. Na only that matter dem dey argue—some dey blame government, some dey say na inside job, some even swear say na village people dey follow WAEC people. Everywhere just dey buzz.

The thing shock the whole country—everywhere just scatter.

No be small thing. Even newspaper vendors no get rest—the headlines bold, red ink, “WAEC PAPERS MISSING: WHO DEY BEHIND AM?” You go just see crowd block junction dey talk, “Na wa o! This one pass film trick!” E be like say the whole nation dey on top one kind electric wire.

Wetin fit change the destiny of millions of students just dey happen like play.

Parents wey don dey save money for lesson and extra teacher since January come dey restless. People dey pray, dey fast. Pastor for church raise special prayer point, “Father, any evil hand wey wan use this exam to disgrace our children, holy ghost fire!” E shock everybody say all this commotion fit affect how whole families plan their future.

Nobody for this world go fit believe say na that kind person go thief the papers…

People dey suspect everybody—even cleaners, security men, some even eye principal. Some mothers dey drag their children by ear, “No go near that street! Dem say na exam thief dey waka for night now.” E even reach level wey some begin dey say na juju people dey involved, say ordinary human being no fit pull this kind stunt.

But the way dem take thief am shock people pass. E too simple, e be like film trick.

Even police sef dey shame. Na one small window and one NEPA wire bring wahala wey scatter the nation. Some elders for council meet dey shake head, “Our ancestors go dey weep for grave. This one na disgrace.”

That 2003 WAEC turn to serious nightmare for plenty candidates.

Some students swear say that year, dem nearly give up. You go see boys for suya joint, dey gist with heavy voice, “Omo, that exam nearly kill me. If to say na fight, I for faint.” Even teachers dey complain—everybody eyes red that year.

Na that year dem first shift the exam from July go June.

That small change sef add wahala, because teachers never finish revision. Some students no even sabi say date don shift, na through rumor dem take know. Principal for school dey shout for assembly ground, “Una go hear am this year! Make una pray make una brain dey sharp!”

As dem finish the exam, na so so silence first hold everywhere—then the cry start, tears full face. Plenty students commot exam hall with tears for their face.

One girl for my area, Adaobi, dey sob so tey her eyelashes fall. Some boys dey slap wall, dey curse under their breath. Na real sorrow and gnashing of teeth, as exam supervisors dey look them with pity but no fit do anything.

Some sef no fit hold body, dem break down right inside exam hall.

For corner of the hall, some boys gather dey hug each other, dey console. E no get age, even some wey dey claim hard guy, na so dem bend head dey sniffle. Teachers dey try talk sense into them, “My pikin, na God hand everything dey.”

Na because the exam papers hard no be small—e too hard, e no get part two.

People wey think say na play, na that day dem believe. No part two, no options, just wahala questions full front, as if dem wan use math finish person. “Who do us this kind thing?” one girl shout. Even invigilators dey find chair sit down, dey shake head.

Especially that mathematics own.

Mathematics wey dey always fear person, that year e resemble ogbanje—trouble wey no gree person rest. Some students dey use biro scratch head. Others dey look question paper like say dem wan beg am to change.

Dem talk say after that year math exam, half of the students just dey wail, dey lament.

E turn to general lamentation for social media, for junction, for school compound. “Chai, math finish us o!” Some people talk say na only miracle go help pass that paper. Parents dey console children with Fanta and Gala, patting their backs, whispering, “No cry, my pikin, God dey.” But even that one no sweet for mouth.

The paper full everywhere with questions wey no dey syllabus, some sef be like Olympiad wahala; as you just look am, you go dey wonder which one you go fit solve at all.

One boy for back of class just dey shake his head, “Na only Jesus go fit answer number three.” As dem dey read the questions, even teachers dey look am, dey wonder if na another country set the paper. E be like puzzle wey no get solution.

Out of 150 marks, average score na just fifty or sixty. Imagine.

E pain people sotey, dem dey compare am for staffroom. “Na so dem wan disgrace children finish?” One teacher hiss, “E be like say dem wan use us do April Fool for June!” One principal even call for emergency PTA meeting to discuss how wahala go affect school’s reputation.

Maybe this one no too move you.

Abi you dey think say na exaggeration? Make I break am down.

Make I give you example wey you go sabi well.

I wan tell you story wey go pepper you small.

You know Mr. Olatunde—Calculator General, aka 'Baba Logarithm'—that popular JAMB lesson coach? That year na him sef write WAEC.

Na him students dey call “Calculator General.” E dey always carry big log book, dey solve question with confidence. E no dey fear math at all.

Maths wey he write, na only 89 he get—he no even pass.

You dey hear am so? Mr. Olatunde, wey dey solve further maths for board, no even reach ninety. Students gather dey laugh, but e pain dem say if oga fit score so, who dem be?

But with that 89, he still carry second for him class, enter Makurdi University, wey be one of the top federal schools.

Dem still celebrate am like champion. Neighbours bring malt and chin-chin come greet him mama, dey hail am, “Your pikin na real mathematician o!” E show how bad the paper be—na who get 50/100 dey reign for that year.

You see as the thing hard reach?

Anybody wey pass that year, na hero. Some dey print result slip dey laminate, carry am like trophy go show for village.

Dem even yarn say na Mr. Adekunle, the man wey later become king of math Olympiad, write all those questions.

Dem say if you see the man, na only white chalk and blackboard full him mind. Any time you see am, e dey solve equation. People begin fear say maybe na foreigner come set that paper.

But most people believe another gist:

You know as Naija be, conspiracy yarns dey everywhere. For newspaper stand, people dey argue, “Na backup paper dem use, e too hard.”

The reason why the WAEC paper hard like that that year na because dem use the backup set wey dey very tough.

Dem say the backup na emergency set, wey dem suppose only use if wahala happen. That one na ogbonge wahala questions—no mercy, no forgiveness.

And all this wahala start because dem thief WAEC papers for Benue.

From Benue State the wahala start, but e waka go reach every corner. Some people dey blame Benue, others dey blame WAEC officials. Politicians dey use am campaign, dey promise education reform. Na real gobe.