Chapter 4: Police Palava

As I finish my story, Officer Musa face strong like stone.

The man tall, black like charcoal, tribal mark deep for cheek, voice thick like ogbono soup. "Na why you call police be that?" Officer Musa eye dey fire me.

I nod quick quick.

"Where the finger?" He point the squat toilet wey don empty.

"E don flush go."

As I talk am, my voice small, fear dey my body. I dey pray make dem believe me.

"Flush go? You no know say na big evidence be that!" Officer Musa voice don change.

I panic, dey wave my hands. "No be my fault! Na the school toilet don change to sensor type. As I just stand up, e flush by itself!"

My voice dey tremble, I dey point the toilet like person wey dey beg. Wetin I wan do? I no fit enter soakaway go find finger na!

Officer Musa eye the toilet behind me, e no too believe.

I try show am. "See, e dey like this..."

I squat, stand up, squat again, nothing happen. The toilet no even shake.

I dey feel like mumu, Officer Musa dey look me with that kain look wey be say, 'This one dey craze.' The other police just dey laugh for back.

Officer Musa hiss, waka come press the button for the tank.

Whoosh—water rush down.

The sound loud, make everywhere cold. I fit hear my own heart beat. For my mind, I dey beg God make dem believe my story.

"Kunle, you sabi the wahala wey dey for fake police report? Especially for criminal matter? April Fool or not, you think say you fit waste our time play?"

As he talk, cold catch me.

I no even think reach this side, na just help I dey find.

Na that time my phone ring.

I remember—those chat messages from Femi fit help as evidence!

But as I open my phone, my body cold.

That Femi chat window pop up with one animated emoji—clown wey dey do nonsense face, with two big flashing words: "Fun."

The face dey dance, dey jump. E be like say the phone dey mock me. I dey try scroll, nothing show. My hand dey shake.

My head begin turn, ear dey ring, I feel say I go faint.

That moment, I realize—na Femi prank all along.

But I don already call police. How I wan take explain?

This one don too much.

But since e reach like this, I no go carry am alone.

Even if na me call police, na Femi start the wahala with him prank.

If anybody suppose take blame, na am.

For my mind, I dey plan how I go drag Femi join. Na him set trap, na me fall mugu. Even for Naija, prank get limit. This one don cross am.

I push my phone give Officer Musa. "Oga Musa, na because of am! Na him dey send me all those messages. Na him cause everything."

Officer Musa collect my phone, look am, frown. "Kunle, you dey use police play abi?"

He fling my phone back to me.

I check the screen sharp sharp—every chat with Femi don disappear. Only the clown face remain.

Even that one dey fade commot as I dey look.

I dey press the phone like person wey dey find last hope. But nothing show. The people wey dey stand for back dey look me with side eye, like say I dey mad.