Chapter 1: When Big Wahala Knocks

I be King Garba—one of the main oga for Ancestral Spirit Court.

From the days when the yam barns of my ancestors still dey full to brim, na me dem dey call when serious matter wan burst. For this afterlife work, everybody for the realm dey respect my cap and staff of office, so if I shake, e mean something don sup. My feet still dey touch ground, but today, the ground get as e be.

Today, as we dey do meeting, na so the director of Ghost Affairs Office rush enter, face full of wahala. E talk say Sun Adekunle political secretary just show, dey ask about one person wey dem dey call Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village.

As I see her face, na so cold breeze blow my body. For this our council, if you see director dey sweat like this, know say matter don pass be careful. The whole air for the chamber come stiff, as if ogbanje dey pass by. Incense dey burn for corner, and old kolanut shells scatter for table.

My body cold, spirit for my back dey tap me: no play with this kain talk. I shift for my chair, touch my staff for reassurance. Even the small bell wey dey for my waist jingle tiny.

Who this Old Corpse think say e be, wey e go dey entangle with Sun Adekunle of all people?

For this afterlife, name dey powerful. Sun Adekunle no be person wey anybody dey use play. The kind wahala Old Corpse dey find, e fit reach seven generations.

Make I yarn you, you sabi say if Sun Adekunle vex, na all of us go hear am for body. Forget say I be director—he no go even leave ashes for where I dey.

I remember the last time e para for one junior spirit, the whole realm nearly scatter. Even the gods wey dey watch from up dey fear am. I remember that day, e just raise hand, thunder scatter roof—spirits run like fowl.

Sharp sharp, next day, Spirit Court Office rush release “Notice on Strengthening the Management of Wandering Spirits and Lonely Souls.”

E shock me how everybody for office begin dey move like say rain wan fall for market day. The whole place scatter with documents and signatures. As e dey hot, e be like say pepper enter everybody eye.

Legal Affairs Department no waste time, dem follow am with “Registration, Management, and Punishment Measures for Wandering Spirits and Lonely Souls,” “Standardized Management Measures for Wandering Spirits,” and even “Regulations on the Proper Naming of Wandering Spirits and Lonely Souls.”

If you see the way dem dey print paper and dey stamp am, you go know say serious wahala dey. Nobody wan collect query from up.

Na that time, Captain Mallam Musa from Law Enforcement Team jam the Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village, wahala burst everywhere.

Even wind sef pause that evening. Palm trees bend, birds fly away. The whole of Palm Grove Village for afterlife dey shake. Dem say Mallam Musa stand like lion, but this Old Corpse, e no dey shake.

You dey call yourself Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village? Oga, your own don finish. The oil for the big pot don dey boil—abeg, just jump inside by yourself, no wait make we push you.

I remember how my own grandpapa go talk: "If you see pot wey fire dey under, no go near am unless you sabi how to carry am."