Chapter 3: Gbege for Office and Online

Even though I try form say things dey okay, my mind still dey shake.

Inside my heart, I dey pray make no bad news come. Even my hand dey tremble as I dey hold pen. For this our realm, e better make you dey careful pass make you dey brave.

This Monkey King get family everywhere, plus plenty sworn brothers. If this Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village mistakenly jam any of e padi, na wahala be that.

Sun Adekunle padi na like thunder and lightning—if dem gather, even ancestors go dey hide. E get one time, I see how dem use charm pursue spirit wey refuse to pay homage.

As I dey sweat, Director Aunty Halima rush come back with the report.

Her face be like person wey wan cry, but she dey try package. The report thick, folder bend as she dey hold am tight. I collect am quick, fear dey tap my mind.

As I open am, na ‘Case Unclosed’ I first see. My mind just sink.

You know as e dey be when old matter refuse to die, na so I feel. Even the ink for report dey look like blood.

Na wetin I dey fear be that.

For afterlife, na unclosed case dey cause wahala pass. Dem fit take your matter reach Celestial Council if you no package am well.

E be like say this Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village, carry plenty wandering spirits and lonely souls, really cause gbege. All the wahala happen for countryside, where news dey slow. After the matter waka for half year, the report finally reach Spirit Court Office—na so one mumu hide am, talk say make e rest.

Some people sabi hide file for office, e be like tradition. Now, see where e land us. I just dey curse the spirit wey play that kain game.

See my luck.

As e be so, na my head dem go carry if I no move sharp. My ancestors for dream go laugh me.

I grab another report, begin read well.

I nearly tear paper as I dey flip page. My heart dey jump like fowl wey see cutlass.

Na so the thing be:

Because internet dey hot for mortal world now, news dey spread like fire. Somebody post question for one site wey dem dey call ‘Ask Spirit’ (na like supernatural Q&A forum):

If you see the kain yarns wey people dey drop for that site, you go laugh. Even village herbalist get account there. Even Mama Ngozi from my street dey drop comment there, no fear.

[Sun Adekunle fit use one hand finish spirit like Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village?]

Dem no fear at all. Na so dem dey use big names play for social media. The boldness!

Na so Sun Adekunle secretary see am.

That one no dey sleep. Dem get eye everywhere. Dem sabi track every small talk, even if na for inside palm wine joint.

Who Sun Adekunle be now? Celebrity for Celestial Council! How dem go dey mention e name with one rotten corpse?

If e reach e ear, e fit vex. For here, name dey more valuable than juju.

So as Sun Adekunle convoy pass Spirit Court, e secretary call one spirit messenger, dey ask about am. She wan know who this Old Corpse be.

I dey picture the convoy: white horses, drums, eagle feathers. Everybody for street dey clear road.

Spirit messenger see number plate, know say na big person, run go report. But Sun Adekunle people no even wait—dem don waka.

Messenger nearly forget e shoes as e dey rush. E reach Law Enforcement office, tongue dey twist.

Spirit messenger report to Captain Mallam Musa for Law Enforcement Team. Mallam Musa, dem say, face turn white. E go tell Instructor Baba Sani. Baba Sani face turn black.

The way e spread, e quick reach every corner. Na so grapevine dey work for our side.

E talk, “This one big o! Quick, report am!”

Everybody dey dash report upandan—nobody wan be the last wey Sun Adekunle go catch.

E report to their oga, Chief Okoli. Chief Okoli shock sotey e cloth tear, the fire scatter seven, eight offices. Dem talk say e pay over five hundred thousand for repair.

Chief Okoli strong, but that day, fear catch am well. E nearly speak in tongues.

E rush check almost one year record, no see any big wahala. But just to play safe, e report to Spirit Court Office.

For this work, if you no sabi how to cover ground, e fit reach your village people for dream.

Director Aunty Halima hear am, quick search online. True true, e see the question for ‘Ask Spirit.’ E check system—gbam!—one open case dey about Old Corpse and e people dey hurt humans. Status? Still open.

I see as sweat dey roll down her face as she dey print out the question. For her mind, e mean say spirit go knock for her door if e no close this file.

No wonder e rush report to me.

When thunder dey threaten, na the first drop of rain dey make people run.

As I finish the report, I just curse:

“Who dey so jobless to dey find trouble online?!”

I feel like enter that Ask Spirit forum myself go type warning. Some people just get coconut head.

I pause, pick phone, call Aunty Halima:

My hand dey shake so tay pen nearly fall from my hand. I no wan make voice crack.

“Tell Mallam Musa make e close that open case. And draft notice say we dey tighten management for wandering spirits and lonely souls.”

I dey use my old voice, the one wey dey make junior staff stand up. This kind matter, if you no move sharp, your name fit land for next week memo.

I drop phone, reason small, call another number:

“Director Fatima, how far?”

Fatima na woman wey sabi law, no dey use anybody play. For afterlife, dem dey call am Iron Lady.

“Haha, na me, Old Garba. You hear of Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village wahala lately?”

I try dey cool, but my heart dey beat like drum for festival.

“If you never hear, check ‘Ask Spirit.’ The question be, ‘Sun Adekunle fit use one hand finish spirit like Old Corpse of Palm Grove Village?’”

I dey wait for her reaction. I sabi say the news go shock her.

Everywhere quiet small, then I hear curse for phone. Next na complain full ground:

Fatima voice rise, “I tell you make you dey control things! If una vex Sun Adekunle, the whole Spirit Court go scatter!”

I just dey beg inside my mind make e no vex pass like that. For this kind matter, na so person dey lose job.

“Old Fatima, calm down. Yes, our office miss am, but if e spoil, your Legal Affairs Department no go escape. We don dey draft the notice—just join body, if we move fast, wahala go reduce. Abi?”

I dey try use sense, make she no drop blame for only my head.

“No try am again!”

Fatima vex but she go still do the needful. I sabi say after this call, she go call her own staff too.

Phone cut. I finally breathe well.

E be like say heavy load comot for my chest. I fit hear my own heart for the quiet room.

As long as Mallam Musa settle Old Corpse, we dey safe.

For my mind, I dey pray make Musa fit handle am like real man. If not, na everybody go hear am.

But as I just dey make tea, dey check today trending, na so one headline nearly finish me:

Even my hand wey hold spoon begin shake. The cup for table nearly fall as I see the message.

[Body of Mallam Musa, Captain of the Spirit Court Law Enforcement Team, Discovered in Palm Grove Village]

I read am again. My eye blur. The room cold. For this afterlife, death na small thing, but when captain kpai, e mean real ogbanje matter don land. My ancestors, abeg make una follow me pray. If even Mallam Musa don fall, who remain to fight for us? My own don finish.