Chapter 1: Banger Wahala for Compound

My small cousin na real wahala—every time, e dey throw banger for my car like say e dey rehearse for December fireworks parade.

Sometimes as I dey look am from balcony, I just dey shake my head. Who even teach this small boy about banger for Lagos? From December reach January, na so so gbam gbam everywhere, but this one, e no sabi when to stop. Our compound neighbors don tire to complain, but dem just dey manage am because na family matter. Me, my mind dey always fly anytime I see am dey waka up and down with matchbox for hand.

For New Year, I patch my tires four times, buy new valve, even beg vulcanizer make e pray for me. My uncle and aunty just dey laugh, say, "Why you dey vex for small pikin play?"

E pain me well, but I no fit shout too much. For their mind, na just innocent play. Dem no know say my mind dey cut every time I hear another small explosion close to my car. Sometimes, I dey wonder if dem dey use style do am to pepper me or dem just dey pretend say nothing dey happen. If na their own car, dem for don shout pass everybody for compound.

So I reason one sharp plan: I allow the owner of one brand new Porsche Cayenne wey just park for area to use my parking space.

Na pure Lagos sense I use—if dem no fit teach their pikin, make real wahala teach dem lesson wey pass play. The Porsche fresh, always dey shine like Sunday morning. The man sef na big man, always wear white lace, gold chain, e dey hail everybody for estate gate. I just hail am, yarn my mind sharp. The man happy, bless me say God go butter my bread.

As usual, my small cousin go throw banger—and this time, na the Cayenne fuel tank e mistakenly set off.

Who born monkey? Even after I warn am, e just dey do like say ear no dey. Trouble na im e sabi. Small devil waka go light banger, like area boy for Oshodi, as if nothing dey. This time, e don bite pass wetin e fit chew. This one na real gbege.

One loud gbam! The Cayenne just explode. The air smell of burnt rubber and roasted suya, people dey shout from all corners, even okada boys stop to watch.

Everybody for estate hear am. Even the mosque for junction pause prayer as people rush come look. My heart nearly drop. If person dey waka pass, wahala for double. I just dey thank God say na only property spoil, no human loss.