Chapter 1: Confessions and WhatsApp Wahala

The day my childhood friend, Olamide Adekunle, confessed to me, na so I just dey see WhatsApp status updates and group chats dey buzz for my phone. I nearly drop my phone. This one no be April Fool. E shock me like NEPA wire touch water—wetin Olamide dey talk?

As my phone dey vibrate every five minutes with those status updates, I just shake my head. E be like say all my classmates don turn social media warriors overnight. The way dem dey analyse the gist eh, even village market women for Wednesday market no go fit talk reach this level. My auntie wey dey always say 'Na who no get work dey gossip' for her mind go dey proud.

[😂😂 See cruise! Sade go soon gree!]

[Abeg, make Halima no vex o, na play we dey!]

[As I talk am, abeg, these two make sense pass those mute male and female leads. Na them I dey ship.]

[No be real, make una no forget say the guy dey confess to the girl just to help the main babe carry first.]

[Supporting babe, abeg, gree for am sharp sharp! The wife-chasing wahala wey go follow later go sweet die!]

The way dem dey use 'ship' anyhow sef, if to say na boat people dey push for river, all these our WhatsApp shippers go dey run ferry business for Lagos lagoon. Everybody wan put mouth for matter wey no consign dem. E funny sha, but e still pain small.

But for person to dey chase babe up and down, e mean say love dey inside.

You see, for Naija, if person dey follow you waka everywhere, dey buy you gala and La Casera, even dey help you copy note, people go don already dey pair una for their mind. Na so dem dey take start yarn say two people dey date. Na our own love sign be that.

And me, I no like Olamide Adekunle.

No be say I hate am o, but that kind feeling never reach my side before. Na my padi, nothing pass that one.