Chapter 2: Family Wounds and Old Pain

"I hear say Ifeoma dey come reunion o."

Two women dey whisper for corner, voice low but sharp like knife. Their gist dey sweet them, you go think say na pepper soup dem dey chop.

"She no dey ever show face before, abi?"

One purse lips, shake head. "Ehn, she dey form busy since we finish."

"Maybe now wey Chijioke and her sister wan marry, she dey regret."

Another one carry face like say she sabi everything. "She dey do big madam, now she go wan show."

"Regret wetin? Everybody sabi say Chijioke just dey use am that time, na her sister e like."

Person for back add, "Plus, she fat like cow that time. How Chijioke go like her?"

My hand freeze for door handle.

Na so memory rush me—old pain, old shame, dey press me like load. I wan turn back, but my leg no gree move. I just stand, dey hear as dem dey open my nyash for public.

For eight years, that Chijioke confession na cruise for everybody.

Even my mama dey use am take shame me:

She go call am for family meeting, voice loud like megaphone: "Look yourself for mirror. Chijioke fine, get sense, him family get money. How you think say e go like you?"

"E talk say e like you, you believe am?"

Na so shame dey burn me reach bone, but I go just hold myself, try dey strong.

As I no talk, she add:

Her voice go drop, that kin way wey mama dey use when she wan wound person spirit. "I dey warn you, forget all those your small small dreams."

"Him and your sister dey perfect together. Dem go marry soon, so abeg, free am."

She go wave hand, as if e pain her to even mention my matter.

For Mama eye, na only Amaka be pikin—dem say, when goat get two children, e go always feed the one wey get better leg.

Na that time I know say my sister, Amaka, and Chijioke dey together.

I gawk for corner, mouth open like mumu. How everybody know but me? E pain me, my chest tight.

Everybody know—na only me no know.

Na so dem dey do family for my head, I dey live like stranger for my own house.

But Amaka get pride, cold like harmattan breeze, Chijioke too get pride. Dem dey always fight, nobody wan gree.

When dem quarrel, na as if market woman dey drag price with customer for Ojuelegba. Words sharp, eyes red, two stubborn goats.

The day wey Chijioke confess to me, two of them just finish serious quarrel.

Even neighbours hear dem, plates dey fly, voice dey high. I hide for my room, dey pray make thunder no strike roof.

Chijioke talk say e go rather date cow than Amaka.

I shock. The word land for my ear like slap. Amaka mouth open, e face squeeze.

Amaka bone face, "Oya na, go date Ifeoma."

She no believe say Chijioke go really come confess to me.

Her voice get that mocking tone, as if e sure for am say Chijioke no fit ever try am.

Na so I shock too, I come believe am.

My whole body freeze, then small hope dey spark for my belly. I begin dey count all the things wey I go tell my diary that night.