Chapter 3: Heartbreak and Escape

For one month, Chijioke dey treat me like egg.

Dem never treat me like that before. Every morning, e dey greet me for class, dey carry my books. Moi-moi, malt, gala—e dey buy for me. Sometimes e go help me solve mathematics wey dey give me headache.

E dey bring moi-moi, buy malt drink for me, help me with homework.

E go even buy Suya after school, say make I chop. I begin dey feel special, dey smile anyhow for class.

I really think say e like me.

Sometimes I go write am poem for back of my exercise book. My heart dey dance kpan-kpan anytime I see am. Na so hope dey grow for my mind.

The day I realise say something dey off, sun dey shine well well.

Na public holiday, breeze dey blow, but for my heart, na confusion full ground.

I finish my homework, dey look outside window—

My eyes catch Chijioke and Amaka, their bodies close, under the mango tree. Wetin I see no be brotherly hug—na deep kiss, hand dey waka anyhow. My chest squeeze, my leg dey shake, but I no fit move.

Na so I see Chijioke and Amaka under mango tree, dey kiss like say dem wan swallow each other.

I hold my breath, tears prick my eye, I swallow am. For that moment, I just know say everything wey I believe, na lie. My body cold, but sun dey hot.

I just stand look them for small time, pick my phone, call Chijioke.

My hand dey shake, but I press call all the same. My voice nearly fail me, but I gats finish wetin I start.

For under tree, Chijioke rush push Amaka, try act normal as e pick call.

E dey stammer, try dey calm, but I see fear for him face as he press phone for ear. Amaka just dey form busy, her own drama dey different.

"Wetin happen?"

Chijioke voice dey shakey, like person wey thief catch for market. E dey hope say I no see anything.

"Chijioke," I talk, "make we break up."

My voice calm, but inside my mind, storm dey rage. As I drop call, my tears finally fall. I no even wipe am, I just waka enter house like that.

When my mama hear say I wan follow my papa go Jos, I dey pack my load.

My hand dey tremble as I dey arrange my small Ghana-must-go. Na so hope and fear dey fight inside me, but I know say if I no comot, my spirit go die.

She burst enter, scatter all my neat packing for ground.

Door bang open, Mama leg enter, she just begin throw my clothes anyhow. Slippers dey fly, even my Sunday cloth touch ground. She dey vex like say na her enemy she see.

Like person wey craze, she begin shout, dey curse me say I no get gratitude.

Her voice sharp, she dey point finger. "After all I do for you, na so you wan pay me? You wan run leave me for this house?"

"I raise you finish, na so you wan pay me back? Why you no follow am go since dem separate?"

Her mouth dey sharp. Every word na hot slap. I wan explain, but my voice fail me.

Amaka dey add pepper for wound from one side:

She just dey stand for door, arms cross. Her eye dey shine, smile dey corner her mouth. "Mama, I tell you, she no wan answer your surname. She get her own plan…"

Before she finish, Mama para.

"Which plan she get? To follow that useless papa—she think say life go sweet like here?"

Mama throw hand for air, her wrapper nearly fall. For her mind, she no wan make I near Papa at all. Na me be bad pikin for her eye.

That time when Mama and Papa separate, she insist say both pikin must follow her.

Na so she tell people for church, "My children na my life. I no go let any man carry them away." But inside house, na only Amaka dey enjoy.

But for her eye, na only Amaka be pikin.

Anything Amaka want, na so she dey get. I dey always hear, "Amaka, you wan chicken or meat today?" Me? "Go bring salt for kitchen."

Best food—na Amaka chop first.

Even Christmas rice, Amaka dey collect turkey, me go dey manage neck of chicken, dey smile like say e sweet me. My eye dey always watch, but mouth no fit talk.

Fine dress—Amaka choose first.

Every December, Mama go buy lace for us. She go say, "Amaka, pick first." I go dey hope say at least blue go remain. Most times, na brown, or the one wey no get matching scarf.

Na only when dem don chop belleful, Mama go push leftover give me.

She go wipe plate, push am for my side. "Finish am. No waste food." Even if na bone, I go manage, no talk.

"Finish am. No waste food."

Her voice dey stern, like say na training she dey give me. I just dey nod, dey hide my tears with fake smile.

As time dey go, I dey fat dey go.

People begin dey notice, dey call me different names. "Orobo, Madam Puff-puff," e pain me but I go just dey laugh.

She dey vex for me more and more.

She go look me, hiss. "See as you dey wide. You think say life na bed of garri?"

"Na the same papa and mama born you two—why you no resemble your sister?"

She go compare us for visitors, "See Amaka—see her skin, see her grades. Ifeoma, why you stubborn so?"

"I for no born you at all. You dey shame me."

Sometimes, I go cry for night, stuff pillow for mouth so dem no go hear.

Mama don dey do favouritism since we small.

My heart don break since dem give Amaka my own birthday shoes. I dey used to am, but sometimes, the pain dey fresh, like wound wey never heal.

Amaka fine, dey carry first, sabi talk sweet.

Her own voice na honey, my own na garri. Teachers dey always praise her, "Your sister sabi book. Why you no dey like her?"

Me, I just dey read book—awkward, quiet, fat. Nobody wan do friend with me.

If to say book fit give person friend, my own for full. I go dey for back of class, dey sketch, dey imagine better life.

Chijioke na the first classmate wey come meet me by himself.

E just waka come, greet me, say, "Ifeoma, you sabi draw?" My heart nearly jump comot, because e mean say person notice me for good thing.

I think say na my helper e go be.

I write for my diary, "Maybe God don answer my prayer. Maybe happiness dey come my way."

But last last, e leave me for rain.

The shock pain me pass malaria. I just dey imagine as everything fit better, but e no last.

That day, e say make I wait for field after school. I wait tire, till night lesson start, e no show.

Mosquito dey bite, breeze dey blow, but I just stand, dey hope. When everywhere dark, I know say wahala dey.

When I reach house, I hear say Amaka twist her leg.

Na so everybody dey shout, "Amaka injure! Chijioke carry am come!" I dey look dem from kitchen window, my heart dey break.

Na Chijioke carry her come house.

E lift her like say she be feather, eyes full of worry. Mama dey shout, dey thank am, dey act like say e be family doctor.

As I enter, I see am dey rub Robb for her leg, focus like say na exam.

Even when I cough small, nobody look my side. My presence na like smoke for their eye.

E no even notice me.

Na that time I know say I dey alone for this world. I just turn face, dey try swallow tears.

Amaka see me, begin form pity:

She bend her mouth, "Chijioke just dey help me because I injure. You no vex, abi?"

Her voice soft, eyes big, like say she dey pity herself join. Na so she dey act anytime she wan collect something from me.

I no talk.

I just nod. Inside me, tears dey gather, but I refuse to let am fall.

She begin cry again. "Sorry. Next time I injure, I no go disturb Chijioke."

Na drama she dey do, but Mama no dey see through am. She dey believe every tear, like say na holy water.

Mama come out, see Amaka eye red, no ask anything, just drag me enter room, begin shout:

Her grip tight, her voice thunder. Neighbours fit hear am, but she no send.

"If you no dey disturb Chijioke, your sister no go injure for road!"

She dey blame me for every wahala. My own crime na say I dey alive.

"Open your eye look Chijioke. Him eye full your sister. You think say e like you? Na play e dey play you."

Her voice cut me like blade. I wan argue, but I know say na waste of time.

"From today, no talk to Chijioke again, you hear?"

Her face hard, no room for pity. I just nod, even though my spirit dey shout inside.

I just dey look am. "But… na Chijioke confess to me first."

My voice small, like breeze, but I gats talk am, make I no run mad.

"Dem dey quarrel like cat and dog, na you dey believe?"

She roll her eyes, as if I dey waste her time. My chest just dey pain me.

She look me from head reach toe, face full of disgust. "See yourself, see your sister. Even blind man no go pick you."

Those words ehn, e follow me sleep that night. I dream say I dey run, but leg heavy like stone.

I no remember how I waka comot for that room.

E be like say my body float, like person wey dey use remote control. My mind blank, but my leg dey move.

I just know say, as I step outside, na so I see my papa dey rush come, breathless.

E eyes dey red, e dey breathe fast, like say e just finish race for village sports festival. E look me, see my tears, just hug me. For that moment, I feel small safe.

Tears just dey fall from my eye.

No words, just my papa hand for my back, him chest dey steady me. That kind comfort, e no dey get for Mama house.

Papa see wetin happen. E face red, begin shout for house.

E no send anybody, voice loud. "Na my pikin be this o! Make una leave am!" Even Mama fear small, neighbours peek window.

E no mind Mama wahala, just carry me go, no look back.

As e dey drag my bag, I dey look back. My heart dey heavy, but I know say e better pass to remain for that house.

Na eight years be that.

Every time harmattan blow for Jos, I dey remember how that day cold pass normal. But my papa dey there, dey teach me how to dey strong again.

Some weeks ago, dem call say Chijioke and Amaka wan marry.

My phone ring, strange number. I pick—na Amaka voice, sweet like soaked garri.

Na Amaka call.

She act like nothing happen before, just dey talk wedding, dey invite me like say we be close.

"Ifeoma, you and Papa suppose come my wedding. If una no come, e no go complete."

I just dey look the wall, no emotion for my face. The old pain wan rise, but I press am down.

I keep quiet for long, then talk, "Okay."

My voice flat, but for my mind, na only God know wetin dey inside me.