Chapter 5: Empty Walls

All that harmattan, I stay for Eastern Quarters. Cold dey bite my skin, only coal pot dey give small hope. The silence for that side of palace dey heavy, as if ghost dey waka for corridor.

Na when my mama recover, I return to Jasmine Palace. My step dey heavy, hope dey my eye say maybe things go change.

For palace kitchen, maids dey gossip as dem dey pound tuwo shinkafa, voice low but laughter loud. "You hear say Prince no dey fit chop kilishi again? Na so pride dey humble person." Another maid reply, "Kilishi nor sweet when shame dey your body!" Their gist dey fly, but once I pass, dem hush, eyes dey dodge me.

Palace maids no let me enter hall. Dem just form wall, their wrapper tie strong for waist, eyes dey avoid me. Na as if I dey carry bad luck for body.

Mama Dowager don wake, but she no gree see anybody. Her spirit nor dey palace again. E dey lost for old pain.

She no even see me. The door close, I dey cry, beg, but dem nor let me enter.

Three days later, my mama ask to leave palace go guard the late king tomb. She wear white cloth, carry small calabash, nor look anybody for face.

She no see me before she go. I run follow her carriage, pass many palace wall, dey try stop am. My feet dey cut, sand dey enter my slippers.

I fall, stand, fall again, still dey run. Guards dey shout, but my ear nor hear anything.

I reach Main Gate, dem stop me. The big gate high, black wood strong, guards full everywhere.

Musa Lawal hold my waist. "No dey chase. Once she pass palace gate, where you wan go?" Him hand firm, voice nor get pity, but e dey steady me make I nor fall.

Road empty—no carriage again. The horses don waka far, dust still dey for air.

I push Musa Lawal away, my eye red as I shout, "Go! Go! All of una, go!" My voice crack, guards dey look me like say I don mad.

"Go! All of una! Leave me!" My hands dey shake, I dey slap the air.

Leave me with nothing. Make pain finish me, make shame drown me. Palace gate close, my heart close join.

Make I rot alone for this palace. Na only old walls go hear my cry.

Musa Lawal frown, cover my mouth, pin me for palace wall. "Why you dey shout?" E hold me strong, eyes sharp like razor.

"Useless thing. You no fit live without your mama?" The words dey sting, but truth dey inside.

I glare am with hate. My tears nor gree dry, anger dey boil inside me.

Musa Lawal no even fear. He calm down, talk soft, "I no go leave you. I go be your mama, how e go be?" Him voice low, but e carry weight, as if e dey promise something wey even I nor sabi.

One old palace guard clear throat, shake head, then mutter low: "May the ancestors guide your path. No pikin wey get mother dey ever lost for road." His words soft, but e linger for my ear like blessing.

I no fit push am. I just look am, cry. Tears dey pour, nose dey run, my pride scatter for ground.

Musa Lawal look me long, then say, "No cry again." E wipe my face with him thumb, slow, gentle.

But I still cry. I nor fit stop. The tears dey carry my pain, my loss, all my fear.

Why e go care? After all, I don give am pain too.

He no want me too. Just like my mama. I dey alone, cold dey bite my bone.